Story of my Life
by Remembering-Sunday514
Summary: I'm a normal kid. I live with my mom and sister, I work two jobs while going through school, and I have the most amazing friends I could ever ask for. Though, everything is slightly more complicated when I'm trying my best to not let out that I have a crush on my very best friend. Kames! Rated M for later chapters. Kendall's POV!
1. Chapter 1

**So I know that I just finished my other story today but I have been thinking about this one for a really, really long time and I knew exactly how I was going to start it so I couldn't wait any longer…or else I would forget. I'm not sure how this one is going to go, but I'm basing this loosely around my own life. Yes, I work in a nursing home and at a horse stable (all the names of the animals are the same as the ones that I actually own or work with. I don't own any of the horses.), and I have three messed up best friends, and a brother. Though, I'm going to change genders, ages, and names to fit BTR. Two of my best friends are dating and no I don't have a crush on my other best friend! Just saying. Anyways! I'm sorry if my like is kind of boring. On with the first chapter! **

** P.S. Kendall's personality is going to be A LOT like me and unfortunately…this is how my mother wakes me up every. Single. Morning! **

I felt a harsh poking in my side before unsuccessfully trying to bat the hand away, "Go away!" I growled into my pillow, since I was lying on my stomach.

"Kendall! Wake up, now! It's almost 10:30! Do you have to work today?" My mother's high pitched voice pierced my ears. Still I didn't move, or open my eyes, or respond. I could hear her moving quickly down the hallway away from my room…thank God! Maybe I'll get two or three more minutes of sleep.

Just as I was drifting off to sleep I heard my phone vibrate. It would be one of three people and if it was that important they would call…and call…and call…they didn't call. I'm going back to sleep.

I closed my eyes pulling my blanket closer around me trying to block out the noise of the TV and my mom shuffling around the living room…I hate it when she leaves my door open.

I finally settled back down into my warm blankets, thank you mom for getting me a heating blanket last Christmas! I could feel myself sinking back into a light sleep.

"Kendall! Wake up, someone is here!" No. I don't care. I heard the door open and the dogs began to barking, it's too early for this right now.

"Oh, hey, sweetie. Kendall is in his room." Really, all I wanted was to sleep. I guess that isn't going to happen.

"Thanks, mom." Ugh, James. Is it weird that my friends also call my mom mom? Nah? Ok, great! I listened to James' footsteps get closer to my room and he suddenly flopped over me onto the other side of my bed.

I slowly opened my eyes to see James lying on his side staring at me, "What could you possibly want at 10:30?"

"I woke up super early this morning and I couldn't go back to sleep, I texted you!" he said the last part of this very matter of fact.

"I know." I said closing my eyes again.

"Where is your phone?" James said as he was pulling back my blankets and under my pillows.

"James, I don't know!" I rolled onto my side so my back was towards him. Yes, I'm in a bad mood.

"Oh, found it!" He pulled the blanket back some and went to grab for my phone his hand touching my bare back. I pulled my body away from his touch.

"James, your hands are freezing!" I complained.

"I know it is. It's December in Minnesota." He didn't even need to add the duh.

"James," my mother called.

"Yeah?"

"Make sure that Kendall gets up. He had chores to do before he goes to work."

"Okay!" he called back.

"Mom, I'm awake!"

"Get up!" She screamed, voice going up an octave, obviously getting pissed off. That's how I know I'm doing my job right.

I rolled onto my back and moved closer to James so I could see what the hell he was doing on my phone. He was lying on his back with the phone raised high above our heads reading the messages he had sent to me this morning.

"Why are you going through my messages?"

"Because I want to know what time I was up." I raised an eye brow, "Um….I sent my first text to you at…Ha! 8:42." He said then turned his head to look at me and I looked back. He wasn't smiling. We were so close that I could feel his breath on my lips. I surprisingly kept my threatening blush from my cheeks. Alright, confession time, I have a huge crush on my best friend. Yup, I admit it, but only to myself. Oh, and Carlos, because he caught me staring once. I'm also a horrible liar. I had to resist biting my lip. I locked eyes with him, his hazel eyes looking at me accusingly.

"What?" I asked sitting up before I did something I would regret and also because I hate it when people, especially James, look at me like that.

"How long have you been awake?" He asked sitting up with me and crossing his legs Indian style.

I stood off of my bed stretching, my fingers laced together as I pushed them above my head, arching my back, and standing on the balls of my feet. I relaxed, throwing my hands down so that they smacked against my thighs. "I don't know. Like five minutes before you came over." He nodded and was, was he staring at me? His eyes were locked onto my stomach.

I grabbed a shirt that was folded on my guitar case before turning to my dresser and going through it until I found boxers and a pair of jeans. "Alright, I'm going to take a shower." I went to walk out of my room when I remembered. I turned back to James who was already lying down and covering up in my bed, "Really, now you're gonna sleep, in my bed?" He reached up and grabbed the clicker off of the shelf that made the head board.

"No, I'm going to watch TV and stay warm." He said pressing the power button, the television coming to life. "Is MTV all you watch? It's always on when I come over." Not like that isn't almost every day.

I put a knee on my bed as I laid across him to reach for the box on the floor in the small space between the bed and the wall. I could feel his prominent hips digging into my chest before I lifted off of him. He barely reacted. Was this weird? That we were this comfortable together? Whatever, it doesn't even matter.

"I'm going to take a shower." I announced again, him curling up under my blankets, them pulled all the way to his cheeks, and watching whatever was on MTV. I closed my door behind me as I made my way down the hall way to the bathroom.

I looked around the corner at mom. She was sitting in one of our chairs and watching TV, Probably the Big Bang Theory. I slightly regret ever introducing her to the show. "Oh, there's my little princess." She said with a smile.

"Really mom, is that necessary?" I grumbled though I couldn't hardly help but give into a small smile. I really do love my mom, believe it or not.

I locked the door and turned on the shower, making it extra warm to make up for the cold house, my mother also gets very upset if the house goes above 64 degrees, which is horrible. I just don't understand sometimes.

I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste making sure that they were in the shower and check under the sink for a towel, half the time I get out of the shower and there aren't any towels, then I get yelled at for there not being any upstairs. Pulling one out of the cabinet and a wash cloth from above the toilet I finally stripped off my boxers, the only thing I had been wearing, and jumped under the warm water. At first it burned then turned into a soothing temperature as my body adjusted.

I went through my routine quickly before turning off the water and stepping into the cold and steamy air. I dried quickly throwing on my clothes before exiting and drying my hair with the towel.

I opened my door to see that James, in fact, did pass on in _my _bed. I knew he would. I pulled on a pair of socks and looked at the clock. It was already 11:04. I went to the kitchen and noticed that my mom was no longer in the living room, though the television was still on. I grabbed a granola bar and an apple. I'm really not much or a breakfast, or lunch, or whatever person. I returned to my room and put the apple on my dresser that rested to the right of my bed. I pulled the blankets back and slipped under them, back against the head board, shelf thing. James stirred a little though didn't wake up. I watched the TV until I had devoured both my granola bar and apple. I got up and opened the top to my gerbil cage, "Hey, Simon. How are you today buddy?" The small, black rodent came running out, standing on his back legs as I dropped the apple core in with him. I watched him for a moment before shutting the top again.

I heard my mother come back into the house knowing that if I didn't get to it soon I would be getting yelled at for not doing chores fast enough.

I crouched on the bed and shook James, not exactly gently. "Hey, wake up."

He moaned in protest before opening his eyes and looking at me. I smiled and was granted a smile in return. "What are you doing today?"

"Nothin just gotta go up to school and take a test for anatomy, shouldn't take me to long." He said before sitting up and letting the blankets fall to his lap.

"Ok, though I don't understand why you always wait until Saturday to take your tests." I stood and pulled on some socks. "Wanna help me feed the goats before you go?"

"Not really." He said knowing what he was getting himself into if he said yes, "Though, for my favorite person in the entire world I will."

"That did not sound very sincere." I said with a small laugh.

"That's all your gonna get." He answered me, his voice a little lighter as he scooted off the end of the bed and stretched. I couldn't help but stare at his tan stomach as he reached above his head, I looked away just as he was relaxing praying that I wouldn't get caught. And if he did notice he didn't say anything.

Together we walked to the kitchen, finding my mom back in her spot in front of the TV. I went to the garage to grab two watering cans and came back in to fill them with hot water, the goats like that in the winter. As we waited James ate and apple and my mother telling me not to forget this and this like I haven't been doing this for years. My mom got me started in goats and 4-H when I was five, that's where I met my three best friends. Though, we were too old for it now we still spent the entire week there with a camper. My little sister, Katie, was still in it and so was Carlos' brother, Anthony.

Speaking of my sister, "Mom, where's Katie?" She looked at me before replying.

"She went over to Scott and Marie's with Ben." I made a face, Ben is Katie's boyfriend and it really rubs me the wrong way when mom lets my baby sister stay the night at his house or when they all stay at Scott's. I mean seriously, we all know what is happening when they spend the night together, though mom refuses to acknowledge it.

I grabbed the two water jugs that were now full, "Come on James. Can you open the door for me?" I said as I went down the stairs into the mud room.

"Sure." He answered before walking ahead of me to open the door.

I stepped outside taking in a sharp breath as the wind hit me in the face.

"Oh, my God. It is ridiculously cold out here." I said as I turned my face towards the ground trying to fight off the harsh temperatures. I am not looking forward to working at the stable today, yes I loved working with the horses and my boss, Allisia, but still, the cold made it very hard.

"I told you. I finally warmed up and you have me come out here with you." James said as we hurried towards the door to the barn, which he also opened for me.

"Ok, you give feed and I'll go do hay." I told him, he knew the routine as well; he's been around long enough. "I just wanna get this done as soon as possible." I set down the buckets I had been carrying and opened the gate to let out my two bottle babies, BB and Cosa. They both came running out happily. I reached down and petted Cosa, getting a tail wag in return. "How's my little girl today? Kinda cold?" She is like a child to me. We lost her mom in a c-section and her two siblings. I had to feed her with a bottle. She is the world to me, even my friends love her!

She ran to James who was now opening the top of the feed container. I grabbed a bale of hay that I had thrown down the day before and a knife off of the table, as I carried it out of the barn towards the back to where we keep the hay for the goats.

I could hear James talking to Cosa about how she needed to go back in before BB could because he doesn't get grain. It makes him sick.

I rolled my eyes as he continued to talk to them though I was smiling. Yup, he loves my Cosa.

After chores were done we went back to the house where I dropped the now empty water jugs and changed into a different pair of boots for the stable.

I opened the door and said, "Alright mom, were leaving!"

"Ok, boys. You be careful!" Quick pause, "Love you!"

"Ok, love you too!" We both yelled back in unison.

As we walked towards our cars I said, "Dude, why do you say I love you to my mom?"

He gave a huff, "Because I do love her and she is like a second mother to me."

It was true, James was here almost as much as he was at his own house.

"Alright, I'll see you later." I told him as I went to get into my Chevy S-10. I know very masculine right?

"See ya."

And with that, we went our separate ways.

** Sorry, another note! Anything that you may recognize in this chapter and in future ones I do not own any part of! Not BTR or MTV. Nothing! Ok, thanks! And review! Let me know what you think! **


	2. Chapter 2

I looked down at my phone, 4:34. Great. It was going to be dark in about an hour and I still have 8 stalls to clean, I have to water, throw feed, _and _turn in. There is no way I'm going to get this all done, especially with the frozen water.

I continued cleaning the stall that I was currently in while singing 'Marry You', by Bruno Mars, then turned to throw it into the wheel barrel that I had placed outside the stall door.

"_Ahhh!" _I heard my voice leave me in a high pitched scream, very manly, I know, and threw the manure harder than anticipated, hitting James square in the chest, I spoke as I pulled the ear buds out trying to regain a normal heart beat, "James, what the _fuck_!"

The brunette glared at me and replied, "I called for you but you didn't answer, I saw your truck so I knew that you were here. I finally find you and you fling shit at me, you're a beautiful friend," Is he legitimately mad at me?

"You know I listen to my music when I'm here. There isn't anything better to listen to." I defended myself before going back to cleaning.

"Fine, I'm sorry I snuck up on you." James said, though not sounding entirely sincere, but damn was he adorable.

"Ok! And I'm sorry I hit you with shit." I paused.

"Thank you."

Then mumbled under my breath, "Even if it was your fault."

"What?" He asking stepping away from the wheel barrel when I aimed again.

"Nothin." There was a small silence, "Hey, we can get outta here a lot sooner if you wanna help me."

"Fine, what do I gotta do?" He asked before adding, "I wanna get outta here as fast as possible. I'm freezing my ass off here!"

I watched him pull his black jacket tighter around him, "You can give water, there is a hammer in the main aisle on the table, use that to break the ice and pull the hose out of the bathroom and hook it up to the pumps on each side of the barn. I don't got much left to do. Just 7 more stalls." I threw the pitch fork into the full wheel barrel, "I'm gonna dump this then start on the main aisle."

As we walked across the indoor arena he spoke up, "You know, I think I did ok on my test today. I was really nervous but I think I knew most of it. I always suck at the essay portion."

"See, I would always get really low scores no the multiple choice and I was good at the essay portion. Unfortunately, the multiple choice counts as more of our grade, and that's why I had to drop." We made it to the other side of the barn and I pointed to the hammer on the table, "There you go. By the time you do water and feed I will be done here and we can turn in." 7 stalls, three minutes each, "We should be out of here in less than a half hour." I continued to dump the wheel barrel and start on the second half of the barn. I could hear James breaking the ice in the buckets with the hammer, each hit echoing through the barn.

Before I started on the stall I was now standing in I pulled out my phone and neatly wrapped the head phones around it and checked the time, 4:48. Shit we need to hurry if we don't want to turn in when it's dark. That is the biggest pain in the ass. No, I take that back, James is the biggest pain in the ass, but I love him, and possibly, no I know I love him more than I should. "God," I said out loud as I felt my heart flutter thinking about the brunette that I so desperately wanted to be more than friends with.

I started shoveling faster, trying to get these thoughts out of my mind. Why think about it if it was never going to happen. I'm just torturing myself. Maybe if I didn't think about my feelings for him, the times that I wanted to reach out and touch him it won't seem like physical pain realizing that I can't. I know that it's impossible to not think about him. He is always around! Just like right now.

"Ok, water is done in the addition, just this side, feed, bring 'em in and we can leave!" He sounds so determined.

"Yup!" I said before adding, "And why did you come here?"

"Because I was bored and you weren't home." He said as I finished this stall and moved to the next, at this point I don't even need to think about what I'm doing in these stalls, I've been doing it for over a year now.

"Ok, then," I paused, "Where is Carlos and Logan?"

"Oh, Carlos is decorating the Christmas tree as his house then he is going to meet us at your house tonight at 7:30." He said with a grin before it fell, "And Logan, well, um, he said that he is pretty much puking his guts out right now."

My stomach dropped a little as I felt bad for the other brunette, "Oh, I hope he feels better soon. Now we don't have anyone to contain Carlos."

I started in on the next stall, six to go. "Yeah, I know. It'll be fine though."

I heard him start the torch and silently prayed that he didn't burn down Allisia's barn. That would not go down well. "Hey, shouldn't he be with his boyfriend while he is sick, not coming to my house." I'm trying to think of ways to get James at home by himself, if you couldn't tell. An image of the brunette lying on top of me, bare chested, and sweaty flashed through my mind making me immediately bite my lip. Fuck, stop it!

I could hear his footsteps coming closer to me and I let go of my lip putting on my poker face, if that's what you could call it. I saw him walk past my stall out of the corner of my eye before I emptied my pitch fork, he would probably murder me if I got shit on him, again. "Well, I guess he spent all day with him and now he is resting." He grunted as he lifted the frozen water bucket out of the stall next to me.

Damn it, that sound was sexy. "Yeah, I guess." Getting fed up with how long this stall was taking I scraped the saw dust across the bottom deeming it good enough. I threw the pitchfork into the wheel barrel once again moving to the next. Thankfully this one wasn't bad at all.

I listened to James move in the stall I was just occupying, my heart falling once again when my thoughts traveled to him. I heard him take the bucket outside and beat the ice out of it before returning it to its pace. He moved past the wheel barrel blocking the door and went for the water before stopping, watching me practically stab the ground.

"Hey, you ok?" He asked, his voice laced with a bit of worry, I didn't look at him.

I wanted so bad to tell him how I felt so all these feelings would just go away, I wanted to be able to show him how I felt. Honestly, at the moment I would be happy with just a kiss. "Yeah, I'm fine." I paused, "Just thinkin."

He then proceeded to grab the bucket before leaving the stall, "About?"

You. "Logan." I lied, "I just hope he feels alright for work tomorrow. You know how they bitch when people call in."

"Yeah, you can say that again! I feel like most the people that work there are two faced bitches." James replied his voice now becoming raspy from breathing the cold air.

Once again, his voice sounds so fucking sexy like that.

"James," Shit, did I just say that out loud.

"Yeah?"

Yup, I did. Shit, think of something! Quick! Got it! "How are your mom and dad today?" I never said it wasn't lame.

"Um." He paused, I could hear the question in his voice, "They are good. They didn't fight today!"

"Oh, well that's a plus, huh?" Phew, close call.

I went to leave the stall as he was coming back in both sliding around the wheel barrel at the same time, it squeezing my hips between its plastic and the wood of the stall door. We locked eyes, both of our faces slack, mouths slightly open. I bit my lip before we looked in the directions we were moving.

I could feel the blush sneaking up on me. Well, damn it.

After replacing the bucket in the last stall he joined me once again in this one. I wouldn't look at him as I went at the ground again.

"Alright, what the hell is up with you?" He said, his voice sort of harsh.

I stopped at looked at him, slight shock taking over my features, "What are you talking about?"

"You're acting weird…well, weirder than usual," Well, aren't you sweet. "What's bothering you?"

You're what's bothering me, "Nothing is bothering me, why do you ask?" I asked is exasperation, throwing my hands out to the side, one still clutching the pitchfork.

"Well, you haven't been as sweet towards me, sometimes I even feel like you're mad at me." His voice was beginning to raise, shit. "You seem distant and I can't figure out why. You weren't like this a week ago."

Well, you always hanging around in all you're…all you're everything isn't helping my little crush situation. "I'm just tired. I promise you haven't done anything wrong. I'm sorry if I'm taking it out on you." I really do feel bad. I know that I have been treating him differently, I just don't know how to handle this and to be honest, and I don't think I can take this much longer.

His eyes softened, where they had been glaring daggers into me only moments before, "Promise?"

No. "I promise." I put my hand over my heart knowing I was lying.

"Alright, let's just finish this. It's gonna be dark soon and I'm frozen."

I nodded in agreement going back at it with the ground.

**OK everyone! Tell me what you think! I guess this was kind of a filler chapter…already. But still! Tell me what you want to see happen or any suggestions! I'm open for anything. **


	3. Chapter 3

I took my boots off right outside the garage door, James doing the same, making a note not to shut off the lights if Carlos was going to be coming over. I walked into my house, which was not much warmer than it was outside, and took in the smells of whatever mom was cooking. She rarely cooked, by the way.

"Kendall, make sure you shut the lights off out there!" She called from the sink.

James and I began taking off our coats to hang them up as I replied, "No, mom, Carlos is coming over. Did you make enough for him and James?"

"James?" Mom questioned, I hated it when she did that, questioned my friends when she knew exactly who they were. We walked up the stairs and a smile spread across my mother's face, "Oh, James, how are you honey?" Not like you hadn't just seen him this morning.

"Hi, mom," James answered her before going over to the stove and taking the top of the crockpot off. "What are you making?"

Damn boy, always trying to snatch my food. I bent down and gave my mom a hug before looking at her expectantly.

"I'm making chicken and rice." She paused, putting a finger to her lips, "I hope there is enough for all of you." She walked over to where James was still lingering around the pot of cooking food and she pushed him to the side, "Shoo, both of you. I'll tell you when it's ready.

"But mom!" I grumbled while rubbing my stomach which was protesting with hunger pains, "I'm hungry now."

"Is it going to kill you?" She asked over her shoulder.

"Yes!" James and I said in unison. This pulled a smile from all three of us and mom rolled her eyes.

"Yes, cause you both look starved, abused, and neglected." She could be so sarcastic, probably where I get my sarcasm from.

"We are going to die if you don't feed us now!" I replied, a smile still playing on my lips.

"Whatever. Get out of here." She said waving a spoon in the air. We began to walk away before she spoke again. "What time is Carlos coming over? And is he and James spending the night?"

I looked at the clock that was in the living room, 6:13. "Um…"

"About 7:30." James chirped in for me.

"Perfect. Dinner will be ready in about 45 minutes. The meat needs to cook."

"What? That long?" I protested again.

"Yes, and you will both wait for him. No one raised either of you to be rude."

"Alright, shower is all yours." I said as I opened the door to my room to see James sitting on my bed playing with my guitar.

"Finally, I'm still cold!" James jumped up from his spot on my bed and gently laid the instrument down on the disheveled covers.

He grabbed his bag that he had packed before meeting me at the stable and heading out of my room. Once I heard him shut and lock the door I sat on my bed, not bothering the shut the door and started strumming my extremely out of tune guitar. "What the hell'd do to it?" I mumbled to myself before fixing my prized possession.

Slowly I started playing a song that I was very familiar with. I strummed a few chords making sure everything sounded right. Good, it does. I glanced up at my clock that read 7:01, though it was five minutes fast. So much for mom having dinner ready in the already obnoxious amount of time she said.

I played through the beginning of the song once more but continued this time not letting my thoughts get me distracted. This song caught my attention the very first time I heard it. I loved the lyrics, the music, the everything. I wanted to be able to play it for James one day and be able to tell him it was all true.

I started to sing, my voice low and soft.

_She's stopping by real late tonight just to talk_

_She said "I got some things been weighing on my mind_

_And I know I can come there"_

_We just sit and then we talk a while_

_And she spilled her heart in these arms of mine_

_And then she'll say_

_Play me that song,_

_Play me that song you wrote_

_About the girl who might not ever know_

_How much you care or how much you love her_

_Play me that song_

_Play me that song again_

_Boy I like to think there's someone there_

_Who might love me just like that_

_So play me that song again_

I heard the door to the bathroom unlock and I looked out my door to see him coming down the small hallway. He smiled at me as he dried his hair and I kept singing, not skipping a beat. Now that he was in the room I sang with more emotion that I had previously, I wanted to sing this song to him, here and now, whether he knew it or not.

_Wasted time on small town guys nothing but drama_

_There's a trail of tears that leads right to my side_

_Cause I know how to hold her_

_She knows I don't give a damn about the rumors spread or what's been said_

_I just hold on tight until the time is right_

_Then I play her that song_

_Play her that song I wrote_

_About the girl who might not ever know_

_How much I care and how much I love her_

_Play her that song_

_Play her that song again_

_Cause she likes to think there's someone there_

_Who might love her just like that so_

_I play her that song again_

I watched as he was standing in the mirror after drying his hair, he was trying to fix it, using my comb. Really? I smiled and shook my head continuing to sing and watching him in my mirror. Is that creepy? I let my voice get rough in the next verse.

_Oh baby I'll never get tired_

_I'll play it all night_

_Serenade the sunrise til I'm black and blue_

_You make it easy to do_

My voice softened again and he looked at me with the change. My first instinct was to look away, but I didn't allow myself. Not this time! I kept my eyes locked on his and I sang my heart out, letting every emotion show through my words and my music. There was no way I was going to let this moment go without trying to show him my feelings rather than tell him, I knew I couldn't do the latter if I got the moment right.

_Baby that song_

_Baby that song I wrote about the girl_

_Who might not ever know_

_How much I care or how much I love her_

_Baby that song I gotta tell you the truth_

_I been hiding it too long from you_

_Can't believe you never knew_

_It's all about you_

_Oh it's all about you_

Just as the last note was fading out I felt a sudden urge to look away from but James' hazel eyes were still locked on mine. Call me stubborn but I was not going to look away first. Not this time. I felt my heart beat against its confines, trying to break free. I bit my lower lips without realizing it. Fuck, I wanna kiss you so bad.

I jumped with my heart skipping a beat ripping my eyes from the mirror to down the hall way when our two dogs began to bark. I heard heavy steps come up the stairs and Carlos announce his arrival.

Oh, thank you Carlos! I jumped off my bed shoving my guitar aside and left the room, not giving James another glance. I'm pretty sure I just shocked the shit out of him and I'm not even recovered from it myself. There was no way I was going to survive if I had to talk to him by myself right now.

I walked through the living room and straight for Carlos who was crouching on the floor petting my cattle dog behind her ear and cooing at her, "Hey, 'Liv, did you miss me girl?"

His smile was bright as he stood and looked at me. "Hmm. What's that smell?" He asked.

"Mom is making dinner." I whirled around to look at my mom who was just now placing three bowls of the chicken and rice on the counter for us. Oh, thank goodness!

Carlos took his coat off and laid it across the back of the chair that was resting near the side of the counter that faced the living room. I watched as his face lit up again when he saw James coming out of my room.

"Heyya James!" The small Latino threw his hand up and James connected their hands creating a loud crack.

I went and sat down on one of the stools that had a bowl in front of it and picked up my spoon before looking up at my friends again who were now coming back around the counter to take their seats, James watching me the entire time. He wasn't smiling any more, but his eyes held something. I'm not quite sure what it was, but when he looked away it left me wanting more.

As dinner went on things seemed fine between James and I, though, I think Carlos was a _huge _help in all of that. His carefree and spontaneous personality lightning the mood. We played video games and then moved to Stand by Me when Katie came home from a friend's house.

It was kind of weird, Katie took the small love seat to leave me, James, and Carlos to sit on the larger couch and James had pushed himself between us and I swear he was playing footsey with me.

We were now in my room, having pulled the mattress out from under my bed for someone to sleep on. James and Carlos were sitting on it about to flip a coin for who gets to share the bed with me. I really can't blame them though, that mattress is like 15 years old and it is, I glace up at the thermometer above my bed, don't ask me why I have one there, ok? It is a whole 56 degrees in here.

"Alright, I call heads." James said as Carlos balanced the coin on his thumb.

"Fine!" Carlos replied before flipping the coin, it landed in on the white sheet. "Fuck!" he yelled.

"Carlos! I heard that!" I heard my mother scream from her bedroom that was on the other side of the wall.

"Sorry!" he yelled back at her. I smiled enjoying the fact that my friends got yelled at just as much as I did. And also the fact that I would have my…wait not my James sleeping with me. Not that it really mattered. Nothing was going to happen. Unfortunately.

I crawled over to the window side of my bed knowing that James liked having the door next to him. That is my spot but I'll let it slide for him. While on my knee's I divvied out pillows to each of us before lying on my side.

"I get the heating blanket!" Carlos said from the floor as James flopped down next to me.

"Carlos. Why?" James said pulling it over him.

"Because, you two idiots have each other!" Ok, he might have had a point but I love my heating blanket.

"Fine, take it." James pouted then added. "But turn off the light!"

I watched over James as Carlos smiled and crawled on his hands and knees towards the light switch.

Once the lights were off we all settled, the TV on, since I can't sleep in silence or darkness, plus the blue Christmas lights that hung around the window that wasn't near my bed. My friends were used to it knowing my weird habits.

I rolled onto my right side, my back facing James as he settled on his stomach. I could still hear Carlos shifting, and then quietly laugh at something on the TV. Apparently he wasn't going to sleep right away.

After five minutes or so I could feel my body completely relax as I pulled the blanket tighter around me wrapping myself in its and James' warmth. I was almost completely out when I felt James move next to me and whisper, "Kendall?"

I willed myself to continue my slow and steady breathing. Does it make me a bad person if I don't answer him and I'm awake? Eh. What does it matter to you? I kept my eyes closed wondering why he wanted me. I almost gave into my curiosity when I heard him shift. I almost gave myself away when my breath nearly stopped in my throat as I felt his fingertips spread across the bare skin of my hip, having stripped down to just my sweatpants. I had to fight the urge to push into his touch. I tried to hide my face without making it obvious so I could bite my lip.

His hand is so warm against my skin and oh my god do I love it. He must have gained more confidence, probably thinking he knew that I was asleep because he moved a little closer and his grip on my hip tightened.

Fuck, I am not getting any sleep tonight.

**Alright guy! Another chapter is up! I hope you all enjoyed! **

** I want to say thank you to Isitalovesbtr for the review! Your reviews all mean so much to me and really push me to write my best work. So please! Review! Tell me what you think! If you have any suggestions don't be shy to tell me! **


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up as the heat of the blankets became over powering. Damn, I hate it when this happens. I threw them off and, being weird like I am, I tucked them between my legs, leaving one covered. I tried moving but stupid James is taking up more than half his side of the bed.

I place my foot on the wall that is in front of me and push off, hard. My back pushed against, what is that? His shoulder? Sure. Why not? "James, move!" I grunted.

He didn't even hardly move. What the hell! And now I have the pee. I rolled onto my back, best I could with the inadequate amount of space I was given, and looked at the clock. 3:14. I flung myself back down onto the bed, well kind of, I'm also half on James, who still hasn't moved. I sat back and nudged James in the side and was praised with a grunt. "James, wake up, you ass!" I said loudly.

"Why?" I could barely make the word out since he mumbled it into his pillow.

Trying to not be a jerk I replied, "Cause. I gotta pee."

"Can't you crawl over me or get off on the end of the bed?" He turned his head so that he was now looking at me through the darkness.

"I could but I would rather not." Ok, lie, I wouldn't mind sitting on top of you.

"I am not moving, blondie!" He did not just call me that.

"Will you two please shut the hell up?" Carlos mumbled from the floor.

Alright, I'm tired, now cold, and have to pee. I don't have time for this shit! I crawled onto James' back, but paused, I placed my hands on his bare back, splaying my fingers widely. It's just for support, so I don't fall flat on my face. Right? Nope, I aint kidding anyone, his skin just feels so soft under my palms and can I say how amazing those muscles really are?

I was about the roll off of his back onto the floor when he began to turn under me. What the hell? "Oh, shit!" I yelled out as I felt myself head towards the floor. I tried to hook my knee around his hip so I wouldn't hit so hard. Though, my landing was pretty soft as I landed on my back square across my little Latino friend.

I laid there for a second before scampering off of Carlos who was now pissed. Carlos and I are not happy people when we get woken up or disturbed while sleeping. "What the fuck!"

I stood and James was leaning over the side of the bed looking between the both of us before he rolled onto his back clutching his stomach, loud laughs coming from his racking body. Really, I don't know why I like him. In all honesty, I don't know why I am friends with them. Any of them, including Logan who isn't even here to defend himself.

I'm just mad, alright. I love my friends, and well, we all know how much I love James. "I'm going to the bathroom." I quickly left my room and walked past my mom's door as she was opening it.

"Kendall, what is going on?" She asked, her sleep still evident in her voice.

I only responded by shutting the bathroom door, I know, rude right? I could hear my mom now in my room talking with James and Carlos, though I couldn't make out words. I did my business and washed my hands before heading back to my room.

The light was now on and I carefully stepped around the mattress, that Carlos was still lying on, tummy down, and I climbed back to my spot next to James from the end of the bed. I decided that I was going to take the safe rout this time.

"Alright, boys. Get some sleep. Don't you have to work tomorrow, Kendall?" Mom asked me as I was settling into my spot and pulling the blankets back around me, claiming more space that necessary.

"Yeah, and so does James." I said, my mind now flashing back to Logan and hoping that he was going to be able to make it to work. The less floats we have down our hall the better. They make everything go so much slower.

"Ok, I love you boys." She said before turning off the lights and shutting my door.

James and Carlos mumbled back a love you as I closed my eyes. I felt James settle down into the bed before he flung an arm over my waist and I could feel his breath against my back. I tried my best to not let my breath get hitched, I succeeded, kind of. "Aww, are you mad?"

I wanted so desperately to tell him no, because really, I wasn't. I couldn't be mad at him, or really any of my friends for long. I'm just aggravated. "Yes," I'm trying to sound uninterested here, but I really want you to keep coming closer.

I pushed down the whimper that was right behind my lips as James pulled away from me, damn him. "Whatever, you'll survive." He said, and I could hear the smile.

"No, I really won't." I replied sarcastically though I mean I won't survive without you're arms around me tonight, instead of the way he will be taking it.

"Goodnight, 'Los." James whispered, I can feel his back barely grazing against mine, and fuck does it feel nice.

"Night," Carlos whispered back, and I forced myself back into a slumber.

Well, that was a fucked up dream. I slowly opened my eyes letting the sunlight wake me up and stared at the ceiling trying to get a grip on things. And it is so cold in here. I pulled the blankets up over my bare chest all the way to my neck, snuggling deeper into them. Have I mentioned that I hate the cold? If you couldn't guess, I do. If I go to hell, which there is the slight possibility, I'm not exactly a saint, then it will be cold.

I turned my head to the left seeing that James was on his side, facing me. God, he is gorgeous. I look over his features, how his hair, now going in every direction, still falls perfectly over his forehead, the way his eye lashes lay perfectly over his high cheek bones, the way his lips are parted ever so slightly, everything about his is absolutely divine. I really want to kiss him right now, but that is a _horrible _idea.

I reached above me and James and grabbed my phone off the shelf. I looked at it and realized the only message I had was from the weather website. It says that it's only going to be 34 with snow showers. Great. Just what I want.

I opened up my conversation with Logan and wrote a new text to him, _Hey, buddy. How you feelin? Gonna come to work today? _After I sent it I put my phone back where it was and looked at my clock. Already 11:27. Ugh!

I sat up and rubbed my hand over my stomach as it growled. I felt the empty pit and decided that I wanted food more than my warm bed. I looked over at James who hadn't moved a muscle, and the fact that I can't touch you gives me no other reason to stay in bed.

I climbed out of the end of my bed and stretched, bringing my hands above my head, arching my back, and standing on the balls of my feet. Hmm, it feels so good to stretch.

I heard my phone vibrate and I moved to grab it off the shelf. I braced myself against my dresser so I didn't fall over onto James and I quickly snatched the device I made a mental note to go looking for Carlos next, since the mattress I was standing on didn't hold him anymore, one new text from Logan. I opened it and read it quickly, _Yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you tonight. Or are we riding together? And who's turn is it to drive?_

I don't know! I placed it on my dresser so I wouldn't be leaning over any unconscious bodies to grab it again. I left my room and headed towards the kitchen, but then I heard the shower, found him! Alright, food, food, I need some fucking food. I made it to my refrigerator and opened it. Why isn't there ever anything to eat around here! Really, though, we had left over dinner from last night but I wasn't a huge fan of whatever seasoning mom had used, not that I had the heart to tell her that I didn't like it last night, the taste was tolerable.

Closing it with more force than necessary I wandered towards the pantry in hopes of finding some sort of cereal. Cheerio's, I hate cheerio's. I hate that I'm such a picky eater, but I can't help it. I like what I like. Deciding against cheerios I moved back to the freezer and when I opened it, the first thing I saw was pizza rolls. Now I can do this. Before grabbing the half empty bag I looked back at the clock. Eh, it's close enough to noon right? Who need's breakfast?

After I had put some on a place and put it in the microwave and started it I went back down the hall way to my room. There was no point it combing my hair or anything since I would be getting into the shower soon anyways.

I heard the door open and Carlos wandering back towards my room as I was gathering my work clothes, why not? We would be leaving for work soon anyways. Though, mom hates it when I take a shower and get dressed for work before doing chores, though I don't know why it matters.

I turned as Carlos stepped into my room and smiled at him. "Good morning, early bird!"

"Good morning." His smile was wide and he was drying his hair. I hate how contagious that smile really is. "What? The king hasn't risen yet?" He pointed down at James who was now on his stomach sprawled all the way across my bed.

"Nope, though, I'm going to eat then get in the shower." I said before setting my clothes on the bottom of my bed.

"Oh, what are you eating?" He asked before bending down and grabbing his belt off the floor.

"Pizza rolls."

"Really?" He paused, ugh, don't judge me alright! "For breakfast," you're judging me!

"Yes, for breakfast, even though it's almost noon."

He looked at me after he had fastened the belt around his hips, nodding his head from side to side, "Alright, you do have a point there. Got enough for me?"

"Yeah, though, I hope we have another bag because James will murder us if we don't leave enough for him."

He nodded in agreement and we wandered back to the kitchen. Oh, shit! "Hold on, who is driving today? I forgot to text back Logan!"

"Oh, I think it's my turn! I brought my scrubs with me." Carlos said turning around in surprise at my sudden outburst.

"Oh, ok. Ill text him back and tell him to be here at 230." I wandered back to my and texted Logan back. I always feel bad when I do this. But I can't help it! I'm a horrible person to text.

As soon as I stepped out of my room I heard a phone begin to vibrate, indicating that there was a call coming. I watched as James jumped up and grabbed the phone that was in front of him on the pillow that he had been sleeping on. "Really?" He mumbled before he pressed talk and pressed it to his ear. "Hello?" his voice was still laced with sleep and he sounded adorable, yes, I said adorable. "Yeah, I'm awake." Yeah, barely. "Yeah, he is awake." Pause, James turned onto his back and looked at me and smiled, I smiled back, before he looked at the floor, "Yeah, he is awake to." "Yeah, we all have to work today." He must be talking to my mother, and she was making sure we were all awake. She had something against sleeping in past 1130.

He hung up the phone and dropped it at his side onto the bed before looking back at me, while I stood awkwardly in the door way. "Well, good morning!" I said slightly more enthusiastically than meant.

He smiled and ran his hand over his face and arched his back off the bed in a stretch. "Morning." He mumbled through his fingers. God did I even want to go and lay on him giving him morning kisses. I'm such a softy sometimes. I'm so glad no one else can read my thoughts or else I would be screwed.

Instead I settled to say, "You should probably get up and eat before Carlos has his way with all the food." I pushed off the door frame and reluctantly turned back towards the kitchen. I really wanted to stay and watch him, in the least creepy way possible, but the way that his muscles moved in his chest and abdomen just was fucking hot! I can't help what I think and how my body reacts to it. Since I was now sporting something that was definitely not welcome.

**Alright, guys! Another chapter up! I'm honestly really happy with this so far! I love reading your comments and they really mean the world to me so thank you Isitalovesbtr and The Weasley Way! **

** And to reply to you guys! **

** Isitalovesbtr: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you like my story! And blessings from America! **** And about Kendall, I'm trying to make this a really personal story with him. I hope its working! And last! There will be more Kames! I promise, and I'm hoping something will happen next chapter! **

** The Weasley Way: I always try to end chapters as slight cliff hangers. **** Makes it easier for me **** Thank you for the review! **

** Anyways, I hope to have another chapter up tomorrow! I will probably start writing it tonight after work! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Just in case you all don't know a gait belt is something that you wrap around residents waists in order to help transfer them and it helps prevent them from falling because we hold onto it. **

** And a CNA is a Certified Nursing Assistant and we do the dirty work that the nurses don't want to do. **

** Oh, and I don't own ANYTHING besides the plot. **

Oh, my God! What the hell is going on? No, yes, yes! I like James, but nothing is ever going to happen. Nothing! But what the hell happened last night. He touched me, not that it wasn't amazing -wow, and I'm pathetic. I don't know what the hell to do. No! I can't do anything. I already fucking sang to the guy and I'm pretty sure I'm blushing. Just play it cool Kendall, you're gonna be fine! Just don't touch, talk to, or look at James.

"Dude! Are you ok?" I looked to my left – James. I'm already failing.

Oh, my gosh. His eyes. They are amazing. I quickly shook my head and looked out my window. Once again. Don't touch, talk to, or look at James!

"You're lying." He said sounding unconvinced.

I looked back over at him; he was leaning closer to me with an expectant look. No, I'm not telling you anything! An no. I totally don't wanna kiss you right now! No, I'm not talking to you! I shook my head again, brining my finger to my mouth and began chewing on my nail.

"You're stressing." James said, I could see him pointing at me through my peripheral, "You only chew your nails when you're upset or stressed."

This isn't going well. I snapped up when Carlos screamed from in the driver seat. "You guys! I love this song!" He turned it way up and him and James began to sing from the very beginning. Just because I am not talking to James doesn't mean I won't have fun with my friends!

"_You're my neon gypsy, my desert rain_

_You're my "Helter Skelter", oh how can I explain that_

I looked over at the brunette who was watching me as we began to sing the next part. Ok, I never said I couldn't sing to him, right? I notice he was looking at me, and he hand a hand placed over his heart.

_You're the best I ever had_

_And I'm trying not to get stuck in my head_

_But I've read that soda kills you and Jesus saves_

_On a bathroom wall where I saw your name_

_You're the best I ever had_

_I won't be the same"_

I have to admit, I am kind of intrigued with James singing to me like this. I feel put on the spot but at the same time I have butterflies. My body is telling me I want more. Please let me and James be on the same hall tonight. Well, shit. There goes my plan, that lasted all of what? Two minutes.

James was turned forward again in his seat and his body was rocking forward and back with the beat.

"_Hey West Virginia, Hey North Dakota_

_I think I love you, but don't even know you_

_Hey Massachusetts, Hey Minnesota_

_I think I love you, but don't even know you"_

As we sang this verse I saw that James had turned towards me again. He had a flirtations look as he placed his hand over his heart and pointed at me before biting his lips and continued to sing. I smiled at him and sang back, what else was I supposed to do.

Minutes later we were pulling into work and spilling out of the car. I had to be extra careful that I didn't fall on the ice that had covered the ground.

"Come on guys! It's already 2:56. We can't be late!" Logan was always so paranoid. We didn't have to be there until three, even though we could begin to clock in at 2:53.

We hurried up the ramp and into the building before clocking in and stripping off our coats in the break room. I adjusted my name tag on my chest and my gait belt around my hips.

"Hey, I hope that I'm down B-Wing." Carlos announced. No, I better be down that wing! If not I'm gonna be pissed! That is my wing. Yes, I'm a bit defensive. I have worked so hard to become a permanent down there and I know all the residents and all their routines. I really truly love them. Though, I will admit I have a favorite down there. I never thought that I would love to work with dementia patients but it really is what I love. Even if I do get the shit beat out of me sometimes. I can understand though, they are just scared and think that I'm trying to hurt them.

"I know I will be down B and Kendall probably will be to." James said nudging me in the side. I hope he is right, now for more than just my residents.

"Well, let's go and check the freaking clip board before we are late for report." Logan urged and we walked out to the atrium that is in the center of all the halls.

Carlos grabbed up the clip board and made a face, "I'm down F. I hate F! And to top it all off, I have dining room duties." I couldn't help but laugh at him. How unfortunate.

"Well, can you switch with someone?" Logan asked as he looked over his boyfriends shoulder.

"No. Because I want to be down B and its James, Kendall, and Jack down there tonight." Carlos said pouting.

I felt relief rush through me; at least I'm where I want to be and now getting booted. I pulled my pet out of my pocket and scribbled my initials next to my name; I waited for James to do the same.

"Alright, guys. I'll see you soon." I called over my shoulder as James and I made our way to the lounge down our hall way. I noticed a cart outside one of the doors. Fuck, it's a courtesy cart. I hate this time of year, always the hardest. One of the people I work with had said a few nights ago that this hall will be an entirely new one by the time February comes around. I'm beginning to think she was right. I looked over at James who was staring at it as well as we walked closer. "James, who do you think it is? "

His brow was pulled tightly together as he bit his lip. "I think its Mary, right? She wasn't doing to good the other night. After she got the shingles she has been going downhill. I guess Jack had to give her a bed bath cause she isn't getting out of bed anymore."

Wow, I love her. She is truly one of the sweetest people ever. We call her Busia because she is polish and that is grandma. Every time we say it she gets the brightest smile on her face. I feel my heart sink towards my stomach. Just don't think about it. It's gonna be ok. It's always so hard when you lose someone who you have been taking care of for over a year now. "Come with me so we can check on her?" I asked not wanting to go in there on my own. It's not like I haven't dealt with death here before, cause I have. But it's like I said before, it's always so much harder when you have known the person for so long.

James just nodded as we turned into the room. I stopped in my tracks when I saw a man sitting in a chair beside her bed, he was reading a newspaper. I don't recognize him. I didn't even know that Mary had any family around here. "Do you mind if we have a moment with her?" I asked the man and he nodded slightly before standing. He was tall and had a bit of a belly on him; he was dressed in a suit and didn't seem all that friendly. Maybe that is just how he deals with loss in the family. As he disappeared out of the room I looked over my shoulder back at James who was still looking after the man.

"Who is that, her son?" James asked me after the door had been closed.

"I'm not sure. I don't know him." I whispered before kneeling beside her bed and took her hand. "Hi, honey. You know me, right? It's Kendall. Me and James are here to see you." I could feel a lump forming in my throat, cutting off the many more words I wanted to speak. I looked over her face, her eyes half open, mouth agape, skin pale and clammy.

James came kneeled beside her as well and stroked her forehead, removing any stray hairs. "Hi, sweetheart, how are you feeling?" She didn't respond to him, though I know and I know he knows that he wont get one from her.

She took in a deep breath and I heard the crackling. "James, she is rattling." I spoke softly. We all know that the rattling is the noise of fluids entering the lungs. It's an indication that they don't have long. I stood and walked towards her bedside table that had toothette and a glass of water. I wet the tip of the pink sponge and walk back and kneeled beside her and James once more, "Here honey, I'm just gonna get your mouth wet. It will feel better." I ran the tip of it over her lips and I smiled at her. I feel so horrible and it doesn't seem that she has a wonderful son for comfort either.

I threw it out after I was satisfied with my work and stood, resting my hand on James' shoulder, "Come on, we shouldn't miss all of report." He stood and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, James is always so compassionate. Not that I'm not, but it's one of the things that makes me fall even harder for him every time he's around.

We walk out of the room and I'm prepared to tell the man that he can go back inside, though he isn't anywhere in the hall way. James catches my confusion and reassures, "He is probably just getting something to eat from the café."

I nod and we walk the rest of the way down the hall way, "I'll grab you a sheet, go and listen to report."

"Ok," He said back as he entered the closed door that was a room just off of the lounge where there were three tables lined together, we gave and got report here as well as feed all the residents that aren't able to do it themselves.

I walked into the lounge where there were a few residents lingering, I noticed that we had two ancillary aides today, they stay in the lounge and watch the residents while the CNA's are working on the floor. I grabbed two of the floor plans and went through the glass doors into the room where all the other workers were talking.

A few hours went by and it was uneventful, we were just finishing dinner and I stood when I heard an alarm. "I'll be right back," I told James who was feeding a resident in the table next to mine.

"K."

I moved quickly down the hall and saw that it was one of my favorite residents, Rose. She is usually in a really bad mood when we trying and wake her for dinner so we always save her tray and wait for her to get up on her own. Though she can slap and pinch and kick and it hurts like a bitch I still love her. She's just one of a kind.

I entered her room and saw her sitting on the edge of her bed. I smiled as I made my way to her and leaned down so I was right in front of her; she can't hear too well, "Hey darling, do you want to get up for dinner."

She was reaching for me so I held my hand out and she took it, "come and get me, come and get me," she repeated a few times.

I unclipped my gait belt from around me as she continued and wrapped it around her, "Ok, Rose, we are gonna get you up so you can eat."

I bent my knees and told her, "Alright, grab onto the back of my arms," she did and I continues, "Ok, 1, 2, 3," On three I lifted her up and she flung her arms around my neck, this happened with a lot of the residents, and to be honest, it hurts. I brought her to her feet and moved her to her wheelchair that was right next to the bed. I set her down as gently as I could in the awkward hold she had around me.

Once she was safe, shoes on, and belt back around me I wheeled her down to the dining room, I set up her tray for her, which she really wasn't too interested in, not good. She is a diabetic, she needs to eat, though, I'll leave that to the ancillary aides.

As I entered the room that I had left before I noticed that James was gone. I turned to the other man that was working on our hall; I'm not all that found of him, "Hey, Jack, where did James go?"

"Oh, he said that he needed to go and check on something." He turned back to what he was doing without a second thought.

"Oh, ok." Was all I mumbled before I continued with feeding. I will find him later. He is probably just upset about Mary. I know that he was really close with her and she loved him to death. She was always so sweet to him, not that she was mean to anyone else, but she would always smile as soon as she saw him.

Ugh, I need to stop thinking about it.

It was the end of the night, about 10:50 and I was just finishing my bed checks, I took the garbage down to the end of the hall way and disposed of it. I went into the cut through, between B and C wing, Logan is on C, to wash my hands. Once I left the nurse came up to me and said, "Hey, can you go and help James in Mary's room. You guys aren't supposed to do post mortem care by yourselves."

"What? She passed?" I asked surprised, though I know I shouldn't be. I knew that she was going to pass on our shift or midnights. Fuck.

"Yeah, James was with her." Once again, fuck! He is going to be heart broken.

"Ok, I'll go help him." I told her. I passed Jack on my way to the room, "Hey, can you finish Sarah's bed check for me. I gotta help James with Mary."

"I'm going on a 15, I'll do it if you still haven't when I get back." He told me, giving me a face like he was too good to help me.

"What?" I checked my watch, "No, we are leaving in a half hour anyways, you don't need that last break, you took your lunch." I was getting pissed, he was always trying to pull shit like this, when he asked for help I was more than willing and now when I need just a little help he is trying to get out of it. Nothing makes me madder.

"Why can't you do it?" Oh, he was getting on my nerves and I had to go and check on James.

"Fine, you know what? Don't do it. I don't care." I held back the urge to cuss him out, but out in the hall way where all the residents can hear me, probably not so good.

"No, I'll do it. It's no big deal," He turned without another work. Serves you fucking right!

I didn't say anything as I made my way to Mary's room. I stood outside the closed door for a moment preparing myself for what was inside, yeah, I've done this care before but it doesn't ever really get easier. I knocked softly and heard James speak in a soft voice, "Resident care."

I opened the door as little as possible and stepped into the dark room, only the light above her bed turned on, even though there wasn't someone in the other bed. "I'm going to turn on the light," I told him, it was honestly really creepy, know that she was passed and all.

I took in the work that he had done in the short time, he had a basin full of hot water, plenty of wash clothes, and a clean gown. I pulled on some gloves before moving to the side of the bed where he was washing her face. I watched as he barely touched her, he was shaking.

"James, I can do it." I told him and took the wash cloth from his hand. He didn't say anything, and even in he did want to I don't know if he could speak right now. He backed away to give me my space.

I was being so delicate and I took in how she looked, not very good. I thought back to everything that I had seen her do.

_One day she had pointed to another CNA's belly and asked, "Baby?" _

_ The women cracked up and said "No!" _

_ I watched as she pointed to Mary's belly and asked, "Baby?" The same way the resident had just done. _

_ Her eyes got wide and she held up her hands, "No! No baby!" _

I smiled down at her even though she couldn't see me anymore and I whispered, "Alright, I'm going to wash you up." My voice was choked and I could feel the tears in the back of my eyes. No, I can't cry in front of James, and if the family comes in and sees me crying I don't know what I would do. We aren't supposed to cry in front of the family for any reason what so ever.

Together we washed her up, the only talking being to her and what we were going to do next, and soon we were done. Together we cleaned our mess and made the room presentable again.

We excited the room and told the nurse that the family could go back in, even though I think it was just the man from earlier.

"Ok, I'll tell him."

I relieved myself of the bags in my hands and me and James stood against the wall next to the nurses cart. "Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah, it just hurts. You know, she was always just so sweet and she had a crazy sense of humor." He said looking down at his feet like they were the most fascinating things in the world.

"Yeah, I know."

I figured that he wasn't talking much because he knows as well as I do that you don't cry at work. You bottle it all up until you leave.

I heard footsteps and it was Mary's son coming up to the nurse. She looked up at him with a sympathetic smile and he stopped next to her, "So, your mother has passed, she is cleaned up and ready to go. I will call the funeral home as soon as you say."

His bored expression didn't change, "Oh, well, anytime, I just want to get this over with! She finally died and stopped using _my _inheritance on herself!"

Something inside me snapped, I pushed off the wall and took a step towards him, but before I could get to close I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, "Oh, it's 11:20 we are going to go, goodnight!" James called over his shoulder as he pulled me down the hall way. I was trying to push his hands off of me, but he was much stronger.

"James, let me go! He has no right to say that about her! She didn't ever do anything wrong!" I hissed through my teeth but not loud enough for everyone to hear, hopefully just James. He had me off the ground not give me a chance to get away.

He pulled me into the shower room and closed the door, not wanting everyone to see the fight, "Kendall, what the fuck!"

I was panting as I was fixing my clothes around my waist. "He had no right James!"

"I know! But, you can't do that! Do you want to get your sorry ass fired?" No, I really don't but it's my job to protect and take care of these people, living or not.

"No," I said in a whisper.

"Right. Now we are going to walk out of here and you are not going to cause a scene, you are not going to look back and give that bastard the satisfaction of getting under your skin." I was watching his lips, trying to read them as he spoke, my anger finally beginning to subside.

He stopped talking and just watched me, though I was still watching his lips, "James, are you ok?" my voice was so soft and gentle I wasn't even sure if it was me who had said it.

"Yeah," His voice cracked with the one word.

I was so stripped of all emotion, exhausted from the night, I couldn't hide anything, I couldn't fight what I was about to do. It needed to be done or else it was going to drive me insane. I closed the space between us so that there was only a tiny amount of light shining between our bodies. He didn't move away from me and that gave me the confidence that I needed. I tilted my chin up until I could feel his breath on my lips.

**Okay! Extremely long, at least for me! ** **Sorry if you thought it was kind of boring but I needed to get this out there for myself. I had a resident who passed and her son said the same thing. I wanted to punch him. But I need my job, so I didn't **

** Anyways, I want to know. What is your favorite part so far? Let me know! **


	6. Chapter 6

_I closed the tiny space between us, knowing full well that this was not the time to be doing this. My lips finally falling on James' just like I've been dreaming they would for…Fuck, I don't even know how long. My heart began pounding in my chest at an even more rapid rate, if that were even possible. I reached up hesitantly placing my palms flat against James chest. I could feel his heart beating rapidly against his ribs. Damn, that's so hot. After a moment of not moving I finally went the next step, pressing my lips into his urging him to follow suit. Come on James, I need you to kiss me back, I silently begged him. As if he could read my mind, he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist, bringing me to him, turning his head slightly to the right and moving his lips perfectly with mine. I let out a soft moan, and he instantly pulled away from me. No. _

_ I opened my eyes, against better judgment, and saw that James was watching me. His eyes full of concern. I looked around us in the small confines of the shower room that he had pulled me into, the white tiles and bright lights burning my eyes. "Well, I never thought I would be kissing someone in this room." _

_ He just watched me, keeping his hands flat against the small of my back. My insides began to stir and my heart quickened just as it was finally coming down from its high, "Fuck, James, say something." I could feel tears burning the back of my eyes. Don't fucking cry, Kendall, not right now. The only response I got from the brunette was a blink, "What the fuck!" My voice was rising, and I didn't care that I was still at work, "James, don't do this to me! I'm sorry!" Guilt of knowing that I was the one to kiss him first came flooding into my heart. I think I'm gonna pass out. _

_ I pushed off James' chest and turned to face the shower, what the fuck is going on? I heard James' hands smack against his thighs as their resting spot had been taken from them. "God damn it, Kendall, I'm so sorry." _

"Come on, guys, this isn't one of our brightest ideas," Logan pleaded and stood at the bottom of the steps.

"Logan, don't be such a little bitch," I said through a smile, "It's only a hospital." I paused for a moment, "And aren't you the one that wants to be a doctor, you gotta get used to these places." I laughed slightly knowing that he was going to start to get pissed soon.

"Kendall, this is different, this one is haunted! And old! And abandoned!" Logan turned his pleading gaze from me, "James, please tell him it's different!" God, Logan can be such a drama queen.

I looked at James and felt a slight pain in my stomach. Ever since we had kissed it had been a little awkward, but we were slowly getting over it, though, my feelings for him had only gotten more prominent, every time I saw his lips I have to restrain myself from running my fingers over my own. Ok, maybe I'm just as pathetic as Logan right now, only I won't make my friends witness it. James looked back at me and nodded his head, obviously on the same page as me.

"Logan, I'm right here babe, you're not gonna make me go in there with these idiots, are you?" I heard Carlos ask, distracting Logan for that second we needed.

Without a second thought I flew down the stairs, James hot on my trail. I smiled when I saw Logan's eyes open wide and he let out a girly shriek, I have manly friends, I know! He turned and began running from us, only we are faster. Once he was within my reach I grabbed the back of his coat and stopped him, I felt only slightly guilty when he chocked against the hold.

"Gotcha," James exclaimed as he grabbed Logan's right arm and I took his left and together we dragged him the short distance back to the stairs, where his boyfriend was clutching his gut with laughter.

"Logan, they aren't going to murder you." Carlos continued laughing as Logan had his feet off the ground and trying to kick and punch us, not coming willingly.

"Kendall! James! Let me down now or I swear to fucking God!" He was screaming at the top of his lungs still flailing, the entire time me and James are cracking up. God, we need to do this more often!

Carlos pried the squeaky and unwilling doors open as me and James brought the still struggling Logan inside. We unceremoniously dropped him, causing him to hit his knees.

"Really, so first you talk me into this stupid little ditty," Did he just say ditty? "Then you laugh at me because I'm a fucking chicken," He took a dramatic breath making my eyebrows shoot up, "_Then_ you chase me down at kidnapped me," He points between me and James, "And drop me on my ass!"

Oh yeah he is mad! I put on an innocent look; only the flash light Carlos is holding making it noticeable, "What?" I sound overly exasperated, "Me? No, can't be!" I pause and nod my head, "I think you got the wrong guy."

"I hate you all."

I burst out laughing and throw my head back as Carlos makes his way over to the small brunette and wrap his arms around his neck, "Aww baby, are they being mean to you?"

"Yes."

Carlos presses a quick kiss to his lips before smiling at him, "Your cute, you know that right?"

Logan pushes against Carlos' frame and says, "No, you're all mean."

He turns to walk away and James calls out, "Hey, do you really wanna walk down that dark hall way all by yourself?"

In the very few minutes we had been in the dark and dusty building I had been so caught up in what we had been doing that I hadn't adequately took in my surroundings. I notice the long, black hallway that stretches farther than I can see. There are doorways on each side of the hall, some are open, some are closed, some just plain don't have a door. Damn this place _is_ sketchy as hell!

"Come on guys, let's go check it out!" Carlos said as he pointed the flash light down the hall way.

"I still think this is a bad idea." Logan complained. Jesus, it's not like someone is gonna jump out of one of these rooms with an axe and murder us here where our bodies will never be found. Ok, not a good thing to think about at the moment, moving on!

"Hey, Logan, when was this building built?" James asks from beside me.

"Oh, um, I think it was built back in the 1930's maybe?" What? Logan doesn't know something! Crazy, right?

"Great!" I said and clapped my hands together, "That gave this place plenty of time to be haunted!"

I watched Logan inch his way closer to Carlos, who wrapped his arm around the smaller boys waist, "It's ok! We won't let anyone hurt you." As Carlos said the next part he looked between me and James, "Right?"

"Right, of course!" Me and James replied in unison. I have the hide the fact that I don't want to leave from the safe spot of right next to the door.

"Let's explore." James said rubbing his hands together trying to stay warm. I pull my coat closer to me. Carlos kept his arm protectively around Logan as he led the way with the flash light.

James fell in step behind them leaving me in the back and in the dark. Before I knew what I was saying I was pushing my way past James, "Waoh, no! I am not going to be in the back and in the dark," Fuck, I sound like a fucking pussy, almost as bad as Logan now! Whatever think what you all want! I'm a pussy and I'm not afraid to admit it, to myself.

"Aw, Carlos, I think we got a couple scaredey cats on our hands here," James said pulling me into a hug from behind, what is going on? I feel like I ask this question a lot, especially when it involves James. I slumped against his with an annoyed look, though don't get me wrong, I love it! I love his warm body wrapping around mine and pulling me to him. I resist the urge to push my hips back and create more contact with, unfortunately my best friend. But I don't understand, this isn't what best friends do, this is what lovers do. He has been acting weird since the kiss, but can you blame him? His best friend kissed him! And the car ride was silent, Logan and Carlos not knowing why there was a tension so thick you could practically touch it, but they kept their mouths shut. They still don't know what happened and I'm not planning on telling them, but these stupid things that James has been doing over the last few days is not making it easy keeping this secret. Carlos and Logan both know that something is going on. Carlos can probably figure more since he knows that I am practically in love with him. Ok, now is not the time for this shit! Though, I'm pretty sure I said that last time and we all know how that worked out for me.

"I'm not a scaredey cat!" I protested wanting to, but actually not, removing myself from James' grasp, I feel like I'm using him, but he is giving! I'm not the one at fault here. I through my head back to rest on his shoulder in defiance.

"Oh really, so you wouldn't mind taking the flashlight and leading the way," Carlos said making me look up at him and held the flashlight out to me.

"What?" I said pushing it away from me, "Logan here has been pretty quiet." I'm trying to get the subject off of me.

"Yeah, but the difference is that he admits to being a pussy." James offered, his breath hitting my neck in just the right way, making me shudder. Fuck you, James…Yeah, I really want to.

"Fine, whatever!" I pulled myself from him and snatched the flashlight from Carlos' hand and stomped forward down the hall, trying to ignore the bad feeling in my gut. After a moment of walking I heard shuffling behind me, I whipped around and saw the three of them running towards the door leaving me behind. "Fuck!"

I took off after them knowing exactly what they were going to do, and they didn't let me down. I was almost to the door when they pulled it closed. I dropped the flashlight at my side and tried pulling both handles as hard as I could, it wouldn't budge and I'm positive it's because they were holding it. I stopped pulling and began banging on the door with my fist, each hit stinging my cold knuckles, "Open the fucking door! Come on! It won't open!" As I tried pulling again I began to panic, my voice straining making sure that they know I'm still there, "James, James open up!"

I took a step back when I heard someone banging on the other side of the door, "Kendall! Open the fucking door. We can't get in!" James' voice was strained and sounded just as terrified as I did, "Kendall, hurry!"

What the fuck is happening? I threw myself against the door with all the force within my body. "James, help me!" I was in full panic mode, my mind fogged with confusion.

Suddenly the door flung open wide revealing three body's doubled over in laughter. Oh, I'm pissed! I stepped forward and punched the first shoulder I could get to, "Ow! That hurt!" Logan squeaked through his laugher.

"Yeah, I'm glad!" I marched down the stairs and stood next to the passenger side door of James car. "And I get fucking shot gun you dumb asses!"

**Ok, guys! Please let me know what you think! Thank you to everyone who comments, favorites, and follows! I appreciate it more than you all would ever know! And once again, please review, I love reading what you think. Tell me if you have any ideas or suggestions. Thank you to everyone who reads this. I hope it's not a disappointment! **


	7. Chapter 7

_Ring_. Fuck! I quickly prop myself on my elbows. _Ring_. "Where is the fucking phone?" I pull my pillow from in front of me and grab the glowing object, pressing talk before even looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" Ugh, I sound like shit.

"Kendall?"

"James?" I draw out his name and look up at my clock, its fucking 3:54. What the hell is he doing calling me?

"Kendall!" Is he really giggling right now?

"James? Do you understand what time it is?" I ask running my hand over my face, hoping that this will somehow wake me up enough to have an intelligent conversation.

I hear shuffling on the other end of the line before James groans, "Kendall."

I wait for him to say something more than my name but nothing is said, "What?"

There is a sharp hiss, "Mmm, my head hurts." James' voice is low, and it almost sounds like he is pouting.

I slowly begin to piece things together, James calling him at an ungodly hour, him talking weird and not forming any elaborate sentences, not that I am either, well, fuck. "James, are you fucking drunk right now?"

A long pause and I think he has fallen asleep on me, because I can still hear him breathing, but he then says, "Oh, Kendall," a pause and a giggle, "I love you so much."

I feel my heart almost literally drop to my stomach and a lump form in my throat. I'm about to say 'I love you too,' though I know that I will mean it in a much more intimate way than James is telling me, so I just go with a simple, "I know, buddy, love you too," though I know in my heart I am secretly confessing to him.

I move so that I can sit up in my bed, the covers rolling from my chest to my lap. I'm staring at the wall in front of me, just the glow from the Christmas lights on my window illuminating my room. There is a long moment of silence and I'm about to hang up once again when James breaks it, "I'm gonna come over."

"No, James. You can't drive you moron. You're drunk as a fucking skunk." I let my head roll back, stretching my neck. I feel a pang when I then whisper, "Where is Logan? Doesn't he live closer to you than I do?"

"Yeah, but I think he has Carlos over." I lull my head from side to side; those horndog's can't go more than 24 hours without each other, Jesus.

"Ok, and what do you want me to do about it." I'm closing my eyes again and I feel sleep coming back slowly as James talks quietly.

"Well, you could come over. I want to talk to you." He is whispering.

So I whisper back, sinking under my blankets again, trying to memerise how perfect he sounds in this moment, "I'm am talking to you, lo," I stop short in the middle of the word, was I really just about to fucking call him love? Oh, God! I haven't ever called any one that. Not even my residents.

I listen to a quick shuffling and I feel an uneasy feeling swelling in the pit of my stomach, fuck! "Kendall," James' voice is low and threatening, the tone of it lingering in the silence, I'm not about to answer! This time he speaks louder, the threat still there, "Were you just about to call me fucking Logan!"

My eyes shoot open, my lips slightly parted, and my brow pulled together, "What!" I shout and I'm sure I just woke up my mom and sister.

"You did! You fucking bastard!" His voice is now an octave higher and he is screaming at me. What the fuck! I..I..I don't know what to do!

"James. Shut up! I'm coming over." Before he could say a word of protest I've hung up and I'm throwing my covers back and grabbing a shirt off my floor, before dropping it and grabbing a clean one, I don't want to smell if I'm going over to see James. Even if he is probably cussing me out right now.

I rush to the bathroom where I brush my teeth quickly deciding that I don't need to pack anything. I'm only going to be about ten minutes from home. I splash water on my face before quickly wiping myself dry, and look in the mirror, well, I never said that I was going to look good; I was just hoping to smell ok.

I roll my eyes before rushing back to my room and grabbing my phone and slipping on some socks, I make a mental note to match some since this is my last pair, damn. I hurry into the living room where I find my mom asleep on the couch, the television still on. I quietly slip on my shoes before deciding I better tell her where I'm going because she will flip a lid when she wakes up and finds me gone. I gently shake her shoulder, "Hey, mom, I'm going over to James'."

Her eyes flutter open and she looks at me with confusion, "What?"

I'm whispering in hope that Katie doesn't hear anything, "Mom, I'm going to stay the night with James."

She eyes fall on the clock that is behind me and she gets an angry look on her face, shit, "No! It's past 4:00, Kendall. You are not going out right now, and not when it's snowing."

"Mom, it's fine, I'm only a few minutes away and I have my phone," I hold it up for her to see.

"Fine, whatever do what you want." She says in an aggravated tone. I fucking hate it when she does this shit!

"I will," I say as I walk away from her, my own anger filling me.

Without another word I grab my coat and I quickly walk out the door and close it with more force than necessary. God, she really fucking pisses me off sometimes! I hate it! And this fucking cold isn't helping! Can you tell that fuck is my favorite word? Good, moving on.

I make it to my truck and turn the heat on full blast, hoping that it will warm, even though it's, as you know, a ten minute drive, if even.

As I pulled out my driveway so many things were flashing through my head; why does he want _me _to come over? He could have easily called Logan or Carlos and they would have been on their way just like I am now. Why is he even drinking? Sure, sometimes we drink together, but not alone! He said he wanted to talk to me, but about what? I have no idea. I shake my head and try to have a quiet drive, though it's easier said than done. As his driveway comes into view my heart begins to pound against my ribs. Why the hell am I so nervous? I have come over here a million times and I have never ever had a reaction like this.

I mean, James has been acting a little, ok that's a small understatement, James has been acting really weird the past week since I kissed him, and not the kind of weird I had been expecting. I had been expecting him to ignore me, stop talking to me, something that isn't how he is treating me now. He hasn't kissed me again but he has gotten close, he is paying more attention to me than he is Carlos and Logan, which he hasn't ever done before, he always treats us all the same. Now he is inching closer to me and placing lingering touches on my hands or my back. I would say that he likes more and maybe wants for from me than just our friendship but I'm not sure, I can't think about that more than necessary because I'm just going to get my hopes up and my heart will break in the end, and I don't give a shit about how cheesy all this may sound because it's true, _all _of it is true.

I make my way up his porch and pull on the door. It's locked! Are you fucking _kidding _me right now? I pull my phone out of my coat pocket and call him. It's three rings until he finally answers. "Hello?" his voice is deep and raspy.

"James?" I pause and look down at my thin PJ's and shiver from the cold, "Get out here and open the damn door. I'm freezing out here."

"Why are you cold?" I can hear him moving now.

"Cause I'm standing on your front porch and the door is locked!" I say once again trying to open the door even though I know it won't budge.

"Fine, I'm coming." He hangs up on me and I hear footsteps on the other side.

Once the door opens in front of me I step in and shake off my shoes and coat, James' house is always warm in the winter. Once I have everything hung up and out of the way of others I look up to see James leaning against the wall staring at me with a stupid grin on his face. "What are you looking at?" I immediately bring my finger to my mouth and begin chewing my nail, it's a horrible habit I have when I get nervous or stressed.

He bites his lip and closes his eyes, once he opens them back up and has finally focused on me again he whispers, "You."

My heart begins to beat rapidly right when it had become calm and I'm trying to deny the fact that I'm blushing, "Yeah, I can tell. But why?"

"Cause," He mumbles then walks towards his room. Well, that wasn't weird at all.

I follow him quickly and as soon as I'm in the room I shut the door hoping to not wake up his mom and dad. When he turns around I'm expecting him to still me smiling, and I'm caught off guard when his features seem so sober and focused, though he doesn't say something, and it's killing me.

"James, _talk_ to me!" I am almost pleading with him. All this is too much for me to handle at the moment. I know, on the outside I'm holding it all together and I'm going to be ok, but on the inside, I'm quickly falling apart.

"Kendall.." He stops.

"James!" I lean forward, pressing my palms together, practically begging him to explain everything to me. I need to know what he is thinking and what is going on in his head. I have so many things going through my mind I don't have enough time to process each and every one of them.

"Kendall. I." Once again, he stops.

I'm suddenly becoming angry and for some reason all I want to do is take him right here and now, is that what angry sex is all about? Never mind right now! "James, stop fucking saying my name and tell me what you are thinking!"

"Kendall, I don't know what..I mean how. I just don't know. I want to tell you so bad but I don't know how." James Diamond not know how to tell _me _something? He always knows what to say and he always says _anything _to me.

I take a step forward so we are only a foot apart. How can I get James to tell me something? I need to figure something out, and fast! Ok, um, maybe, "James, could you show me?" I have no idea where this will get me but I hope it gets me to where I want to be.

He stares at me, showing hardly any emotion then quickly looks away. I resist the urge to say anything, I wouldn't be able to hear myself talk anyways over the sound of my pounding heart. He turns to walk away but before I could even reach out to stop him he turns back, fast, and grabs my hips bringing me close to his body. I have to fight to keep breathing normal from the shock. Slowly he leans into me, what the hell, he is going to kiss me, and I can't take this anymore. I quickly close the space between us and push the thoughts of what had happened the first time we kissed out of my mind, this time I have no reason to be guilty of anything I have done. I can feel him smile into the kiss as he moves one hand up to tangle his fingers in my hair and I resist the urge to moan when he pulls, cause that was what caused the last kiss to end so horribly, though I do press myself closer to him and deepen the kiss and I feel him put more force into it, and I can feel that he wants me, he _is _showing me what he couldn't say, and it's not easy to take in. But before I could think too far ahead I remember, he is the drunken one, and he won't re- fuck, James won't remember this in the morning.

I quickly pull away and try to take a step back but he has a strong hold on my waist, "James, your fucking drunk. What are you doing?" Please say 'I wanna be with you, Kendall.'

"Kendall, I'm not drunk, I'm a little buzzed, but that is quickly going away." His eyes are so pleading and I have a feeling that is what I looked like only last week, fuck. I look down at his shirt and try to memorize the design that is barely noticeable since the article is so faded. I'm not going to be the weak one, not right now, I'm going to hold all this in, and I'm not going to crack like last time.

I don't look up, "James, you sounded pretty fucking drunk earlier." I want to run my fingers up his chest but I link my thumbs in the elastic of my pants instead, since these don't have pockets.

"I know. But with all this seriousness I am quickly coming back from that." He tightens his grip on me and digs his fingers into my hip; I wince only slightly, hoping he won't notice. "I told you on the phone that I needed to talk. So I'm going to try." I don't know what else to do so I rest my forehead on his shoulder and prepare for whatever is to come next, even if It's something that I want to hear I still need to be prepared, and after that kiss, even though I'm confused as hell, it's gotta be something good for me, even if I was the one to kiss him…again, though this time he started it! "Though first, I never really knew if you were gay."

I raise my eye brows but don't look up, what the fuck? "Um…I guess I'm more bi maybe?" I shrug, "I'll go both ways."

I can feel him nod as he continues, "Yeah, I guess me too." Well, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting, though I didn't have a clue what to expect in the first place. "Anyways," He hesitates, just freaking spit it out, James, God damn it! "Um, I want you."

I snap my head up and look at him; all he is doing is looking at something behind me and chewing his lip. What the hell does he mean he wants me? Like just fuck me? Cause I aint down for _just _that. Or does he mean he wants me in many ways? I begin to shake as I wait for him to elaborate.

"I want all of you." Ok, not helping here! My heart begins beating again so fast I think it's going to explode if it doesn't get some relief soon. If he says he just wants to be fuck buddies it is _not _happening! I will flip on him right here and now!

"I want you to be my everything. I need you in so many ways for so many reasons. I tried hiding it for so long because I never wanted anything to happen with what we already got, but after that kiss at work, it was impossible. I tried showing you many times but you just weren't taking the hint." Well actually I was but I didn't want to look like an idiot if I was taking the hints wrong. "I just didn't know what the hell to do." I look down at our feet cause I just don't know what else to do, or what else to say.

After a long silence I don't know what else to say so I mumble, "I'm sorry."

This was apparently the wrong thing to say cause he puts both hands firmly on my hips and kinda shakes me, "Kendall _please! _Don't do what I did to you at work and walk away. Please say that you will stay or be with me." I really didn't mean it in that way!

I'm staring at him like he is crazy, "James, calm down! It's ok." I pause before I smile at him, though weakly, "I'm not going anywhere."

**Hey guys! Sorry for a few days delay, once I start a story I like having a chapter up almost every day, don't know why. Any ways! This one just took me forever, I would write a paragraph or two and have to come back later. Let me know what you think of it! Tell me what your favorite parts are or even least favorite, any suggestions feel free to tell me. I like reading what you all think! I hope you all enjoy! **


	8. Chapter 8

I slowly come back to consciousness when I start to shiver and I realize that my blankets had been pulled from me. I realize that I'm curled into a tight ball on my side and I reach behind me to try and find the stolen fabric, but what I wasn't expecting to find was flesh. What? My eyes snap open and I roll onto my back and look to my side finding James curled into a ball facing me with the blankets pulled tightly to his chest. I look around the room and realize that I'm in James' room and in his bed.

I prop myself up on my elbow to look at the clock that is next to his bed, 7:54, hell no I'm not getting up this early. I try to pull the blankets from him but it's futile, "James, give me some fucking blankets."

He doesn't move, only whispers a "no."

I narrow my eyes at him even though I know he won't see, "James, come on, it's kinda cold in here."

He opens his eyes a little bit and stares at me then lifts the blankets. Now what is he doing? "James?"

He smiles at me and says, "Come here."

I am rummaging through my mind to remember anything that would cause this, and then it hits me! Last night! Oh, my god! Are we together? Yeah, I think so! Am I about to _cuddle _with _my _boyfriend?

He quirks and eyebrow at me before insisting, "Well?"

I quickly shake my head to try and clear it of the confusion and shock that I had just felt and bring myself close to his body. I'm immediately wrapped in his warmth as he tucks the blanket around me. I snuggle into him as he wiggles his arms around my waist and I feel a shudder run through my body as he gently grazes his fingertips up and down my spine. Oh God, that feels so fucking amazing. I rest my forehead against his chest and I can smell our scents mingle and I wouldn't have ever dreamt it any better and I let my eyes fall shut again, now that his body is blocking most of the light from the sun coming through his windows. My heart flutters when I feel him press his lips firmly against the top of my head. This is everything I ever wanted, and unfortunately my body thinks so to. I curl into another ball against him trying to hide the unruly organ.

A few moments pass and I'm afraid that he has already fallen asleep, but I have to know, "James?"

I feel him jerk slightly and I smile, feeling kinda bad about maybe scaring him, "Hm?"

I'm a little afraid myself of what the answer will be to this question, "Do you remember last night?"

He doesn't answer for a long moment and just as I'm about to shove him to try and wake him again he answers, "I remember the important things." His voice is deep and raspy from sleep and it's so sexy!

I contemplate this, he says he remembers the important things, but he doesn't remember all of it. What if he doesn't remember our kiss? No he has too or else he wouldn't be here holding me like this. And oh God do I love how he is holding me. I hesitantly reach out and put my hand flat against his chest, and when he doesn't react I gently trace my fingertips down the center of his pectorals, over his defined abs, and all the way to his belly button. I smile when he holds me tighter. But I do have one more question for him.

"James?" That doesn't count.

"Hm?" I can hear his smile.

"Do you regret this, me, or us?" Ok, I know I just asked like four, but I don't give a fuck right now.

"Would I really be holding you like this right now if I did?" I feel his lips on my hair again.

"No."

Now that my worries have mostly been answered and subsided I'm feeling myself sink into his body and into the land of unconsciousness again. It's so quiet here that I can hear his heart and I'm sure he can hear mine to. This is everything I ever wanted and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for this moment.

Later, when I'm back at home I can't hold everything in; James had to go to work, and I'm oh so grateful I'm not there right now. I'm pacing my room and running my fingers through my hair. I need to tell _someone_! I'm feeling so much in one moment that I feel that I'm going to burst if it isn't released into the air and into someone else. But who the hell do I tell?

"Carlos!" I say out loud as I struggle the reach my phone buried deep within the pockets of my dark skinny jeans.

Once the object is released I quickly find my recent contacts and Carlos is the one after James from last night, and I press it, telling it to call Carlos.

One, two, three rings, "Hello?"

"Carlos!" Yup, I'm such a fucking girl and I'm not afraid to show it…to Carlos, no one else.

"Kendall!" He mocks in a high voice.

"Dude, guess what happened?" I just met fucking Adam Levine and he is so fucking sexy, yeah, that's what I feel like I should be saying right now.

"What?" He sounds a little hesitant, his voice on edge.

"Me and James!" I'm smiling so big that I can feel my cheeks begin to ache from the exertion.

"You and James? You and James wha- Oh! You and James! Wow, dude! Did you finally get some?"

"Wha? No! Carlos! Jesus, your such a fucking pervert." What a mood killer you are, Los. I plop myself down on my bed, running a hand over my forehead.

"Well, you're excited enough!" He responds in defense.

"Carlos, I think we are dating!" As I say the words I can feel my giddiness rise back inside my chest.

"You think?" He asks.

"No, we are!" I reply back to him hoping and praying that this is the truth.

"Well, congrats man. I'm glad that everything worked out for you." A small pause, "Though, what happened how did it all go down?"

I explain to him about how James had called me and how he was drunk and down to every little detail. I tell him about this morning and how James held me and what he had told me about regrets. It felt amazing to get everything off of my chest and out into the open.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, which is a miracle since I thoughtmy thighs had gone numb from the cold long ago, as I filled up my truck at the gas station down the road. I pulled it out and saw that I had a text from Logan, _'Sooooo….did you text him yet today? ;)' _I can only assume that 'him' is James.

Really Carlos, you told Logan, though really, I don't mind cause I knew that Carlos wouldn't be able to contain himself after all the awws he had said when I was telling him about my night, and the fact that he tells Logan everything, and since it wasn't a big deal to keep it from James any more everything could be put out in the open. I quickly opened the keyboard on my iPhone and typed my reply to him, '_No, Logan. I don't know what to say to him. I wanna just say hi but I feel like that is too simple for this situation because that's what we would say when we were just friends,' _Yes, I'm aware of the novel I'm writing him, _'but I don't know what else to say to him. I…ugh!' _Send.

The nozzle pops as I am putting my phone back in my pocket and I put it back in its holder and decline the request of a receipt, I hate those things, they seem so pointless, especially at a stupid gas station where I know everyone that works there.

As I'm getting back into my truck to go home I feel my phone vibrate against my now stinging thigh and I pull it out to read Logan's reply, '_Ugh? Really ken? Tell me how you really feel,_' Maybe I will! '_anyways are you home? It doesn't matter we are coming over so you better get your ass home.' _Well then, I gotta love my friends so much sometimes! And once again I can only assume, but I think that 'we' means Carlos, you know, since James is at work, thank goodness cause this conversation can't possibly go as great as planned. I don't even reply before I toss my phone into the passenger seat of my truck and head home, since apparently I'm not going to be alone once I get there.

I'm looking down at the phone in my hand trying to ignore the eager stares from Logan and Carlos, who are both sitting Indian style on my bed as I'm leaned back against the head board with my feet stretched out between them, and I play with my grey sweats feeling uneasy.

"Will you stop staring at me?" I ask as I glance up at them after a moment of silence.

"No, not until you text him," Logan declares sternly and Carlos just nods in agreement with a silly grin plastered on.

"No, because I don't know if he wants to talk to me, you know James would have texted _me_ by now, he isn't the shy one!" I say back before pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth.

"Yeah, but he is probably waiting for you because he knows that you're the shy one and he doesn't want to push you!" Logan says back to my protest.

"Bullshit! James knows me better than anyone and he knows that he can always talk to me."

"_And_, you know James better than anyone and he knows that you can always talk to him." Carlos now butts in, and unfortunately he has a fucking point. Leave it to Carlos to come up with a stupid come back like that, and have it work perfect for him.

"Exactly!" Logan says.

"Well, fuck." I mumble under my breath not even able to start to deny that statement. Ahah, "I don't even know what to say guys!" I try to hide the hope that I feel that this will get me out of it, "Like I said to Logan earlier," I point to the brunette, "I would normally just say hey or hi but I always say that, and _that _was when we were just friends!"

"So?" They both ask in unison.

"_So _we aren't just friends anymore," I throw back.

"Yeah, but just because you guys are a couple now doesn't mean you have to act different towards each other, especially since it hasn't even been a full 24 hours since you have been together." Logan explains.

"Oh! I got it! You wanna make it more coupley right?" Carlos asks excitedly, obviously getting an idea.

"Well," I hesitate, "Yeah."

"Ok! So just tell him 'hey babe.'" He says, I'm not sure how I feel about this whole 'babe' thing, and I open my mouth to protest but he speaks before I get a chance, "It's the 'hey' like you want and it's not to forward, just enough to suggest that your still on board with this and you're ok with the situation, right Logan?" He nudges a nodding Logan as I just stare at my little Latino friend with my mouth hanging slightly open. Wow, I'm very impressed with his logic.

"Perfect, Carlos!" Logan says to him in praise and gives him a soft peck on the lips for his genius idea.

"Yup, now you better fucking text Diamond or I will text him for you!" Carlos threatens and I pull my phone close to my chest in a protective manner.

"You wouldn't." I say in a low growl, squinting my eyes at him in a deep glare.

"Oh, I would. Now do it, Knight, or so help me God!" Carlos says his voice going deep and serious. I see Logan lean back on his palms, a small smile on his face, as he prepares to sit back and watch the show that is about to play before him.

"No, stay back!" I hold up my hand, showing him my palm. He moves to his hands and knees to come after the small and black object and I hold it above my head as I scramble out of my bed and to my feet.

Carlos follows suit and tries to grab for the phone that is now out of his reach and above my head, "Kendall, text him now! You're going to hurt his feelings!"

I chuckle, "Carlos, your guilt trips aren't going to work!"

"Well, maybe this will!" He threatens just as he reaches out and pinches the skin above my ribs and I throw my hands over the assaulted area.

"Fuck, tha-" I barely get anything out before Carlos snatches my phone from my hand and takes off down the hall way and I go running after him, causing him to scream, like a little girl if I might add, as he hears me behind him. He runs into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door just moments before I'm to it and pounding on the wood. "Carlos, get the fuck out here right now or I swear to God you are a dead man!" I scream at the top of my lungs, grateful that Katie isn't around to hear my language, though it wouldn't have changed if she were here because fear of what he might say begins boiling from my stomach up to my chest.

I look towards my door way seeing a smirking Logan leaning against the door frame, I motion towards the door, my eyes wide, "Logan, contain him. He is yours!"

"Eh, I do a lot with him, but the bathroom is not one of them." He replies crossing his arms over his chest.

I hear Carlos' muffled voice sound from the other side of the door, "Hey James. How is work going, _babe_!" There is a small pause and I'm frozen knowing what is coming next, "Sent!"

I'm banging on the door again and screaming, "Carlos fucking Garcia, I swear to fucking _God _when I get to you I'm going to murder you!"

I let out a low growl and look towards Logan who is now laughing I drop my fist and bite my bottom lip before mumbling, "I'm so fucked."

**Well, once again guys, another chapter is up! Tell me what you think. If there is ever anything you want me to do in the story don't hesitate to message me. I love all reviews and I really appreciate them and I love reading them so much so please leave them! It takes less than 30 seconds! Anyways! Tell me what you think! Love you all! **


	9. Chapter 9

Shouldn't I be happier than I am now? I mean, I got what I wanted; James. Well, I think I got him. I had him this morning, so I should have him now right? It's only been a few hours since he had left for work and it's killing me to be away from him at a moment like this, where I have so many questions for him such as how and why. Why does he want me now? I'm scared that it's because he needed someone and I was a willing victim. Fuck, I'm terrified. I'm not happy now, I'm scared and I'm anxious. James is my best friend and he would do anything for me to keep me happy. He was there for me back in high school when I made lots of mistakes and I used a blade to my advantage. But it was his mistakes that attracted me so desperately to that shiny object that sliced my skin in the most beautiful way. My heart broke when he told me about fucking all the prettiest girls in the school, but it shredded my insides when he started exploring his other side. He would go into detail about how the guys would drive him insane. He liked the masculinity and how he could let all of his anger and passion and lust out and not worry about hurting a girl, apparently he showed me no mercy.

I felt something grow in my stomach and I suddenly wanted him to dominate me and show me what he couldn't show to the other sex. I let my fingers wander and I rub them over my hips where he had left bruises the night before when he was begging to have me. Oh, shit. He said that he wanted me, all of me, in every way possible, and I would be lying if I said that I didn't want him in all those ways either. Once I feel that ache on my hips that I love so much I push harder and I can't help but push harder. Hmm, yeah, I'll admit, I'm into the whole masochistic thing, if you couldn't already tell.

"Yo, earth to Kendall!" I hear my name and I snap out of my own world to find Logan's palm waving frantically in front of my face.

I grab his wrist and push his hand towards his own body, "Sorry, I guess I just kinda zoned for a bit. I'm a little confused."

"Yeah, dude." Carlos continued from his side, I looked at him and took in his bruised arm, maybe I shouldn't have hit him so hard, eh, he'll get over it, 'It was really weird, what were you thinking so hard about anyways?"

"Just that James hasn't texted back and it's been," I look at the clock and do the quick math in my head, "three and a half hours."

"He's at work, Kendall," Logan chimed in, "When do we ever get time to text at work." He didn't leave much of a chance for me to answer, "Yeah, never."

"I know but still…" I trail off not having anywhere else to go with it, though my mind is racing with a million possibilities. I could tell them that I'm scared he has changed his mind now that he has had time to think about it, I'm terrified that since he is already having doubts that it's going to last a week and in that short time their friend ship could be ruined forever because he couldn't keep his fucking hands to himself, and even worse, if that happens he could lose Logan and Carlos in the confusion of it all too. Shit, I really need to stop thinking so fucking much.

"But still nothing dude. He will be getting off work in about a half hour and he will text you on his way home. And if he doesn't then he will text you back when he gets home. Got it?" Logan demands.

"No, cause I don't know if it's true. What if he was so drunk he made a mistake and now he is trying to figure out how to break it to me."

"Don't be so pathetic, Kendall." Carlos chirped giving me a glare. Well, that was harsh.

I contemplate giving him a response but in the end I decided that shutting up would be the best thing right now.

"Wow, Carlos. You are always so good at giving people hope." Logan said sarcastically before adding, "No need to sugarcoat huh?"

"Nope, cause when you sugarcoat you beat around the bush when people just need to hear the truth." I watched him as he got a smirk on his face, and a hint of something that I can't quite place in his eyes, before he slowly got on all fours and began approaching Logan like he was a gazelle and he was a lion, "For example," His voice is deep and I looked at Logan who looked almost scared, knowing what was coming, "How much I love your cock."

I scrunched up my face once he pounced and devoured his prey in a frenzied kiss that drew many moans out of each of them. I grabbed my pillow and began beating them both with it, "Will you two _please _stop and get a room, and one that isn't in my house preferably."

Reluctantly, Carlos released him and glared at me, "Fine, we will wait." He turned back to Logan and pointed an accusing finger at him, "Don't think that this is over, babe." Logan bit his lip just thinking about what their night was going to be like.

"Don't you two have any shame about doing it when your parents and siblings are sleeping just down the hall from you?" I asked.

They both just smiled and shook their heads, though, Logan did look a little hesitant and he was blushing like none other. Now who is pathetic? "Yeah, that's what I thought."

Carlos jumped up beside me and requested, "How 'bout we all just watch a movie and wait for James to get off work. Right?"

Just as he finished his sentence my phone buzzed in my lap, making me jump just short of a mile. I looked at it as if it were a bomb about to explode, and to be perfectly honest, all of this could so easily blow up in all of our faces and create more hell than ever imagined.

"Aren't you going to fucking answer it, Kendall?" Carlos stressed.

"Yeah, yeah." I picked it up and with shaking hands I unlocked the device and read the message, but not out loud since I'm not sure if I could trust my voice if he said something other than anything sweet. '_Hey honey. Work went fine. Just super busy and I never even got a freaking break. Didn't know it was going to be a full moon tonight. Yay me! Any ways if you want I can come over. I just want to go home, shower, and change.' _I smiled as I read it over and over again and my heart skipped a beat every time I read the word 'honey'. Aw he is sweet.

It has put me at ease some but _none _of us are out of the woods yet. I don't know why I'm so adamant about this going wrong. Maybe because this is everything I ever wanted but I always thought that I never had a chance so I never took a single second to really consider the consequences of our actions before I so willingly agreed to be his.

"What does it say?" Logan asked leaning forward at the hips and staring at me intently. "It looks like it's a good thing!"

I smile at both of them and look back down to my phone and read them the message then add, "He can be so sweet when he really wants to be."

"Yeah, _when _he wants to be," Carlos commented with a smile, "Aren't you goin to answer his question? Tell him to come over!"

"Fine hold on." I open a new message and type for him, '_Yeah that's fine. You can come over whenever. I'll leave the lights on for you but don't forget to turn them off when you come in. We all know how mom will kick our asses.' _Send. "Alright, sent, I told him to just come over whenever and that I would leave the lights on for him." I sat there for a moment before I said, "I just feel like we are already going too fast. I mean we kissed twice before we were even dating! And then," I turn abruptly to Carlos and glare, "you texted him babe earlier and he is calling me honey. Don't get me wrong I like that he did that but I feel like we are setting ourselves up for disaster so soon." I'm looking down at my hands as I clutch my phone.

"Kendall, look at me." Logan's voice was stern and full of seriousness, "I'm not saying any of this to hurt you, but I want you to _really _listen to me. Can you do that for me," He pauses and I look him in the eyes, deep, and I'm searching, I'm searching him like he is my lifeline and he is going to keep James from taking me over the edge of the cliff I can already feel coming closer before our journey has even started. I nod in acknowledgment, "Good, but you know if high school James was kind of a…whore, for lack of better words." He is telling me what I already know but I didn't let my mind get to deep into it, not like he is about to do, "He never really cared for any one. He used them and dumped them. You know this, I know you do. _But _what I'm getting at here is that I don't know exactly why he wants to be with you now. He isn't one to hide things, not when it comes to liking someone and it's no secret that he has been with guys to." I roll my eyes and let out a snort, yeah, you're telling me Logan. "Kendall, I don't think he is using you like that but I don't think he _really _truly wants to be with you like you do him. He has never and isn't ever interested in real commitment. What I'm saying is just be careful. He has a reason and I don't know what it is. Just be on the lookout, don't let him drown you in this." He ended his speech and his eyes were wide with concern, not once leaving mine.

"I know." I force a smile to try and tell him and Carlos that I'm already on the lookout because I know just as much as they do, and then I become serious again, remembering the one thing that set all of this off, "I kissed him at work the day that Mary passed. I was so mad at what her son had said," I feel a pang of anger ignite in me just thinking back on the situation, "and he took me into the B-wing shower room to talk to me but I kissed him. He had nothing to do with it. Then he left me. I don't understand that." I can feel a rant coming and if they dare interrupt me I'm going to explode, and I think they know that. "I think, no, I'm hoping that it's because he didn't want it to be that way. He wanted to get with me on his own terms, not me forcing myself on him in the shower room at fucking work….I hope." I pause, "all of this is hope that we can be something and it won't blow up into world war three."

I guess it's Carlos' turn to throw in his two cents, "Look…" He pauses with a stutter before he continues, "I-I um, yeah, I think that you might be right. He has something for you Kendall. If he didn't he would have hit on you a long time ago because if it were the case that he is just into your looks then he would be more than happy to throw your friendship away." Carlos did have a point. If all James wanted was to fuck me then he would just do it then throw me away when he was done like he does everyone else. But he is showing me something. He is showing me that he cares and he is being sweet.

My thoughts are broken when my phone buzzes in my lap, _'Be there soon. Getting in the shower.'_ Ok, bad images, actually, good images, bad time. I bite my lip and look between my best friends as they expect me to tell them what the message says.

"All it said was that he is getting in the shower and he will be here in a few. Are you two staying or are you going to leave me alone?" I'm kind of torn here. I want them to stay so that they can protect me from what I want so much of, but then I want them to leave so that I can have what I want to myself.

I look at Carlos who is looking at Logan waiting for him to make the decision and I follow his gaze. Logan is probably thinking the same thing because he is gnawing on his bottom lip and it looking at me as if he is searching me for any sign that I want them to stay. I don't know if I want to give him the hint or not. My face is probably a cross between want and worry. I feel like this couldn't get any more confusing and I'm dealing with things that are mainly inside my own head, not actually happening around me…yet.

I decide to make this easier for them. They have already been here the entire after noon and I don't need to keep them from each other. I'll be fine. "No, you guys should go. I have already wasted your entire day and all we really did was sit on my bed." I pause as they nod, "It's not like James is going to suck my blood and turn me into a heartless monster."

Carlos gets a crooked smirk then replies playfully, "Or is he?"

I push him gently as I laugh at him, "Whatever, loser, get lost. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I pause and get a thoughtful look on my face, "What's tomorrow? Friday?"

"Yeah," Logan replies

"None of us have to work tomorrow so I think we should hit the bar!" I say my smile returning as I think about the beer that I will be enjoying.

"Yeah, sure." Logan says with a smile of his own as he gets off the bed, "Text us if you need us. We're only a few minutes away."

"What is Carlos staying the night at your house _again_?" I ask because damn they might as well just be living together. Carlos only goes back to his house for one or two nights a week anymore, and those are usually only after he works.

"Yeah, you got a problem with that Knight?" Logan says a threatening look coming over him, though I can tell he is suppressing as smile.

"Yeah, actually I do, because you are still living with your parents!" I say in a challenge.

"Phff, whatever. I don't care." Logan replies. "Anyways, like I said. We are only a text or call away."

"Got it," I reply and then add, "Seriously, thank you guys. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Eh, you kinda did do it without us you just need moral support." Carlos says as they walk out of my room and shut the door. I can hear them saying their goodbyes to my mom out in the living room and I pull myself under my blankets and watch the clock tick away the minutes slower than I ever thought imaginable.

**Sooo, tell me what you think! The next few chapters are going to get a little personal with me because I once dated my best friend, don't do it…it's awful when they are completely different than you ever thought that they would be. So, that's kinda what I'm doing here. I was just as freaked out when I told him that I would date him. I was kind of a wreck just like Kendall. **

** But! Enough from me. Kinda started to rant. Let me know what you think of the chapter! As always suggestions and comments are loved. **


	10. Chapter 10

I feel something heavy move over me and a body presses against my lower half causing me to snap my eyes open as my breath catches in my throat and I try to throw the body away from me.

"Woah, killer! Calm down!" James says hardly moving from my efforts as he laughs.

"Hi," I say and look around him at the clock on my dresser; I've only been asleep for about ten minutes.

"Hello," whispers before swooping down to steel a quick peck from my lips, but pulls back before I even have time to react, but I can still feel the burning sensation that he has left behind.

"Aren't you tired after work?" I ask knowing that I always am, and although I was tired when Carlos and Logan left I was exhausted but now, I feel wide awake, might have something to do with James scaring the shit out of me.

"Eh, only a little, though, I do want to watch a movie." James says as he jumps off my bed and heads down the hall way and into the spare bedroom where we keep all our movies. Not really giving a shit about what we watch since I will probably pass out ten minutes into it, I stay in my bed sitting up to rest my back against the shelving that makes up my headboard.

Once James returns he smiles at me and places a few movies out on my bed displaying me, and showing off that they are all horror movies, and I groan. Ok, so, I'm a little scared of scary movies. I mean, I know that that's the point but still, I'm a grown ass man and they still creep me out to no end, and James knows this, though to what extent I'm not sure. I groan as I look over my options, he's got Hills Have Eyes, "No," got Carrie, Eh, not to scary, "Maybe," as I look to the next option I can feel his eyes on me and gauging my reaction, his last option is Paranormal Activity. Ok, I've seen this one a million times and the only part that I don't watch is when the lady leans down in front of the camera and smiles, that is creepy as hell and always makes me shiver in my seat, "Watched it a hundred times." I look at him and ask, "Got anything else in mind."

He bites his lip and he looks so damn sexy. My mind begins to wander back to the fears that I had expressed to Carlos and Logan about him, but I push them back, hoping and praying that I'm just being paranoid, because if there is one thing that I do know about relationships is that we have to have trust, because without that I can't give him a real chance and that isn't fair to either of us. "Yeah, hold on." James replies as he stands. I feel his lips against my cheek and he is gone before he can see my blush, thank goodness.

I hear him shut the guest room door once more and his footsteps leading back to my room and I look at him expectantly only to find that he is holding a movie behind his back, "James, what is that?"

"You'll see." He says with a devious smile as he walks over to the DVD play and quickly puts the movie in and hiding the box in the top drawer. What the hell? I have a bad feeling about this.

I watch him quizzically as he moves throughout my room, closing the door and shutting off the light before nudging me out of _his _spot in _my _bed since he can't stand to sleep next to the window. I honestly don't get what the big deal is. It's not like someone is going to come breaking through the window and kidnap him in the middle of the night.

I move closer to the wall and pull my knees to my chest and wrap the blanket around my shoulders before wrapping my arms around my shins, linking my fingers trying to ignore the cold from the previously ignored spot. I watch James as he feels around the bed for the clickers, yes, clickers, they are not remotes in this household.

Once he has found the right two he turns on the TV and the DVD player waiting patiently for them to come to life. "James, seriously, what are you going to make me watch?" I ask knowing that it's something I'm sure I wouldn't approve of because it's way to fucking freaky for me.

He smiles at me and I feel my heart skip a beat, and I can't tell if it's because he is absolutely beautiful in the light that is now coming from my TV or the fact that I'm scared of what I'm about to watch, and maybe I'm scared of him in a way too, and that I know is true. "I told you, your gonna have to wait and see." He pauses as he shifts in his spot and lowers his part of the blanket to around his hips, "Come here." He puts his arm out towards me as the previews to the movie begin to flash across the screen and I ignore them because I'm too busy eyeing James. He is my fucking boyfriend now; I'm aloud to do this. I had told myself for so long that I wasn't allowed to touch him or be close to him in the ways I have always wanted to. I guess bad habits do die hard, even when you are being told that it's ok.

I move close to him, resting my shoulder in the pit of his arm letting my head rest against his shoulder, before he speaks, "Hey, it's going to be ok, alright, I got you." He pauses when he wraps him arm around my shoulder and squeezes me to his body and he kisses the top of my head, sending butterflies straight to my stomach, fucking insects! I nod as I take in his words, lulling them over. I'm sure he meant them in the simple way of the movie but I take them to a deeper meaning, letting them reassure me that he is going to be here for me and that he isn't going to break my heart. I never thought that I would be so weak and feel so vulnerable around someone, let alone my best friend, and now my boyfriend. God damn it! I hate this feeling; my stomach and chest tighten as I think of the possibilities of this going so wrong. Don't think like that, Kendall. He is your best friend and he wouldn't ever do that to you and you fucking know it. I let my mind pause for a moment, no I don't know that. I have no idea what he is capable of doing and I can feel that no matter what it is it's going to change me forever, whether for better or worse. But still when he says 'I got you,' it sends shivers down my spine. Is it weird that I love it when people say that?

I nod once more reassuring myself that it is going to be ok but snap out of it when he grabs the gray clicker from his lap and I avert my eyes to the screen and decide that I'm going to forget everything and enjoy, well enjoy as much as I can of tonight, fuck everything else for once.

I watch as he picks up the clicker again making me look back at the screen, "The Conjuring? James, I heard that this one is really fucking creepy." He presses play and the screen goes black. Oh, God I'm probably not even going to watch half of this movie cause my eyes will be covered.

He pulls me tighter to him and brings the blanket back up over us as he settles down into the pillows he had built up behind him, "I know. It's really good though. I went and saw it in theaters with Carlos." Yes, but Carlos likes scary movies!

"Lovely, cause your 'really good' means really scary." I mumble as I watch the final previews and he presses a kiss against my temple and I momentarily freeze because even this small gesture makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

As the movie continues it really kinda creeps me out to no end, first off, I believe in ghosts and shit like that and that doesn't help the fact that it makes this movie just a little bit more believable. I lean against James through the entire movie and every time he feels me begin to shake he pulls me closer to him and whispers things like, 'nothing is going to get you,' 'I'm right here,' and 'I'm going to protect you from the scary monsters.' The last one got him a glare before he kissed me quickly on the lips. At one point I had my hand over my eyes and was watching between my fingers and he wrestled me until I finally put my hand down. I like having my hand over my eyes just in case and watch through my fingers. That way I can say that I'm watching it but if something jumps up I'm able to cover my eyes. And you know what? I don't care how pathetic that is because I'm pretty sure that you all have learned more pathetic things about me already. I'll admit it; I'm kind of an unstable and pathetic guy ok? I ain't no hardass.

After the movie is over he shuts off the TV and we sit in silence for a moment, my head still against his shoulder and my legs are curled up to my stomach. God, I wish I could stay like this forever. My heart is now back to a normal rate and I'm over the scary movie so I close my eyes and just let myself feel him around me, his scent, his touch, the sound of his heart in his chest.

"Hey, are you tired?" He asks me in a voice that sounds like he is already half asleep.

"Yeah," I mumbled as I wrap my arms around his waist and I bring my chest close to his side wanting to feel more of him.

"Let's sleep, babe." He whispers and pulls away from me just long enough to push my hip so that I'm on my back and he rolls onto his right side, "Lay on your side." He tells me and I do what I'm told, rolling onto my right side and cross my arms over my stomach. I feel him come close behind me pushing his chest against my back and I feel his hips against my ass and he throws his left leg over mine. I close my eyes and take everything in and try not to shudder, unsuccessfully, when he moves his fingertips over my bare hip and settle his palm against my abdomen.

Despite the back that I thought I would never go to sleep after that I did and I think I fell asleep before James, which is surprising since he was the one that worked today.

I woke up stretched out on my back, with my arms resting above my head. Hmm, it feels so good to stretch like this. I felt an arm draped over my stomach and I opened my eyes to find that it was still dark outside, and I looked at the clock, 4:33. Damn, it's still gonna be dark for a while longer. I look to my left and see James still sound asleep, his lips parted slightly and his breath slow and steady. I pull the blanket up over my stomach that had previously been resting against my hips and close my eyes again, enjoying the silence. Suddenly, my mind starts to wander and it goes back to the movie that we had previously been watching. Fuck. I open my eyes again and lean forward so I can look over James and see that my door is still closed, good. I scan my room and don't find anything out of the ordinary, once again, good. I lay back down returning my arms to rest under my head this time and I close my eyes, trying to will myself back to sleep, it's not working. After about five minutes of being on high alert, hearing every single little sound, I roll over so that I'm facing James, and I grab his hand so that his arm is now resting over my waist, and I rest my forehead against his muscular chest, and he doesn't move, of course, he always sleeps like freaking rock.

Once I realize that this isn't going to work I nudge him and he pulls me closer to him in his sleep and doesn't loosen his hold. Ok, maybe this is a little better now that he is actually holding me. I let myself relax into him and thankfully I fall asleep a few moments later.

** Sweet! Another one down! Let me know what you think of the story so far. I hope you all think it's worth continuing. At first I really didn't know what direction this was going to go in but I listened to the song 'Edge of Desire' by John Mayer and I now have inspiration. Once again, I love hearing from you guys and getting your responses. Let me know what you think and tell me if you really think it's worth finishing. Tell me what you like and/or don't like. I would greatly appreciate it! Love you all! **


	11. Chapter 11

**So I had an extremely hard time with this chapter, it was horrible, and I'm afraid that it shows in the beginning of the chapter, though I was able to get more into it in the end. I want to say thank you to anyone who favs and reviews I love hearing what you guys say and it makes me want to keep going. I appreciate it more that you guys will ever know. As always let me know what you all think. Oh, and within the next two or three chapters things will start to get darker, so I'm warning you all now. The next one may be a little dark to, but more than likely towards the end. **

** winterschild11: Thank you for the comment, and I totally agree, I love scary movies, but I cover my eyes through the entire thing….. **

** Isitalovesbtr: Thank you! Merry belated Christmas! But thank you, that means a lot and I will continue because your reviews always make me smile **

'_Hi, are you home? _' I read after I receive a text from Logan. I know I shouldn't text and drive but really, I do it all the time. Damn, my mom would kill me if she knew. I take one more glance at the road before I tap the screen to reply.

'_No but I'm on my way._' I press send and look back out at the dark road, returning my phone to the spot between my legs, resting on the seat. I hate how dark it gets so fast. You know another thing I hate? School…it sucks dick.

It vibrates again and Logan reply is, '_I know, we are at your house watching TV with your mamma._' Oh, lovely just what I need, my friends harassing my poor mother.

I run a hand over my stomach as it grumbles in protest for the lack of attention it has gotten today. '_Does she had dinner?' _I send it and replace my phone once more to its resting spot. I turn up the radio and sing along to Marry You by Bruno Mars, great song! If only we could all live that way.

I pull into my drive way a few moments later just as I receive the next text from Logan. I pull into my parking spot in my driveway and grab my phone as I unwrap my seat belt, letting it slap against the interior of my truck, '_yup, she HAD! …Carlos is with us.' _

I grumble as I exit the truck and walk up through the garage to get into the house. As soon as I close the door behind me I slip off my shoes and truck up the few stairs into the kitchen seeing James, Logan, Carlos, and Katie sitting at the table.

"Hi, guys." I say as I wander over to James and kiss his cheek. Did I mention that in the last week things have gotten good? Well, they have! And no, we haven't gone past a few make out sessions in my bedroom.

They all reply with some sort of acknowledgement as they continue eating. I look down at James' plate and see that they all have Mac and Cheese. I reach across the table and tip the bowl that it had been seeing that it had already been scraped clean, "Fucking pigs! I love this shit and you know it!" I say getting pissy since the food is gone and I decided I didn't want to eat at school today.

"I told you that your mom _had _dinner. Then I even told you that Carlos was here." I glare at the Latino boy that is sitting and chatting with my little sister.

He turns and looks at me with the mention of his name and gave me an innocent look, "Sorry, we were hungry to."

"Yeah, but my mom shouldn't have to feed you idiots!" I say gesturing to the other three males, "She is only obligated to feed her _real _children," I motion between myself and Katie before continuing, "Which includes me and Katie."

She smacks Carlos' shoulder and stick out her tongue saying, "Yeah, and now you have pissed him off."

He returns the gesture and says, "Nope, he loves me."

"Yeah, keep tellin yourself that." She counters before taking the last bite of her dinner.

James pulls me into his lap and wraps one arm around my waist, resting his hand on my hip, and I look around the room, noticing that mom isn't around; she doesn't know about us yet, oops, "Yeah, but you're dating this idiot, so she should have to feed me to." He says quietly so just I can hear.

I roll my eyes with a smile, letting my anger go now that James is holding me, I'm kind of a sucker for him, "Yeah, yeah, whatever." I pick up his fork, seeing that he has a little bit left on his plate and I silently ask if I can have the rest and he nods.

"Go ahead, babe, I'm all done." He rubs his stomach as I take a few bites, my stomach grumbles an appreciation.

I feel him nuzzle my neck as I swallow and ask, "So, where is mom?"

Katie, who does know about us, obviously, sneaky girl caught us in the act, jumped off her stool and wandered around the counter towards the living room and sat down on the couch pulling her knees to her and answered while looking at the TV, "She's in her room, and you two are gonna get caught, and when you do, I'm going to laugh." She couldn't help but smirk at the end of the sentence.

"Yeah, I know you will. But we can't hide it for forever." I reply as I turn and kiss James gently on the lips and I smile into it when I feel him tighten his grip on my hip.

"So, you're going to tell her?" Logan asks while taking Carlos' hands and leading him to the love seat in the living room to watch TV with Katie.

"Eh, eventually," I say as I lean against James' chest and lean my head on his shoulder, causing him once again to hold on to me tight, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't love how tight he holds me, even if it does sometimes leave bruises, especially when he is on top of me in my bed and he gets a little carried away.

"Hey, do you remember this?" I ask as I am flipping through my channels, finally settling on one when I see Hey Arnold. I'm curled up next to James on the bed; leaving Logan and Carlos on the mattress to the left of my bed, on the floor, with the lights already out.

I'm pretty sure that they both fell asleep long ago 'cause I haven't heard a peep from them in more than five minutes. I can feel James' voice rumble through his chest as he speaks, drowning out his steady heartbeat, "Yeah," He laughs gently, "I remember this when I was a kid, when we all went to the baby sitter still."

I smile at the memory, remembering all of us, five years old, going to Darcy's house. They are all good memories, and we have been friends ever since, going to school together and growing up to be best friends, and oddly enough, growing closer into couples. I think back on one time, we were playing truth or dare and we dared Carlos to run around a tree in the front yard with his pants down, and he did it. I shake my head as I smile and reply, "Yeah, I know. You know, I miss those days sometimes. When everything was so easy, and all we had to do was wake up and go to the house down the street where we were taken care of. Our worst worry was being last to be served at lunch."

I feel my eyes begin to get heavy and I know that James is tired too, he said that he had been up super early this morning and wasn't able to go back to sleep this morning. I don't get a response from James and I know that he has fallen asleep, his breath becoming soft and even, and I'm suddenly pulled into unconsciousness.

"Mm, mga, James," My speech has been completely altered since James started nipping across my collar bone, his hands sliding smoothly up and down my bare sides. I have my arms wrapped around his neck, hands resting on his shoulder blade. He bites down again and it pulls a deep moan from me as I bite down on my bottom lip, hard, trying to lock in the not-so-innocent sounds he is dragging out of me.

"Hmm, Kendall?" He mumbles against the skin on my shoulder, and I can hear and feel the smile on his lips. I throw my head back and allow him full access to my neck, and just as I'm about to speak he bites down on the right side of my neck, harder than necessary, but I'd be lying if I didn't think that it was fucking hot.

He pulls away and I'm now able to speak, even if it isn't the most put together sentence, "Oh, my God, James, your so fucking good."

"Oh, really?" He teases and I just nod my head as he licks his way from the base of my neck up to my ear, "Cause we're just getting started, babe."

I bite my lip, grip onto his bare skin, and my heart starts to beat erratically in my chest. Fuck, does he mean what I think he means, is this going to go farther. Oh, my god, I don't know if I'm ready for this. I mean, yeah, I thought I was ready, cause I had been dreaming about this to come for years now, but I never thought, once again, that _anything _like this would happen. I really am not ready for this, not ri- my thoughts are cut off when James pushes his thigh against my hardening cock. I push my hips up as he pulls away slightly and he laughs into the crook of my neck.

"Do you want me, Kendall?" His voice is deeper with more rasp than usual, and fuck do I ever want to say, 'Yes, take me right here and now.' And God damn the way he says my name is the best thing I've ever heard. I tangle my fingers in his hair and arch my back trying to press my body closer to his; wanting his skin against mine.

I resist the urge to lift my right leg, which is resting between his and give him the pleasure he just gave me. I nod and he bites down on my shoulder and I know that I'm going to have marks in the morning, if I don't already. "Ah, James." I start as he drags his teethe against my sensitive skin, and I can feel him heading south, I don't want to stop him! But I know that it's my body talking, not my heart, because my heart isn't ready for this. Yes, I love James, I haven't told him yet, and he hasn't told me, and I'm fully committed to him, but this is _my _virginity and I'm not ready to just give it away yet. I want James to earn it; I want him to prove to me that I'm the only one, and that he isn't going to hit it and quit it like he has to so many other people.

So as James is kissing down the center of my chest I bring my hands around to cup his chin and my heart stops when he looks up at me through his bangs, fuck he is beautiful. I sit up and bring him with me before I crash our lips together so hard that I feel his teeth on my skin. I moan into his mouth as I begin kissing him with everything I have, wanting to show him how much I want him before I tell him that I can't.

I pull away but he chases my lips and catches me in another kiss that is just as forceful as mine, and it takes my breath away. I move my hands down his bare sides and I bring my leg up so that my thigh is resting against his hip and I want to keep going, pull him closer, and never stop what we have going. The way our lips move together creating the beat, our roaming hands and pressing hips creating the music notes, and our moans creating the harmony; all of it is just beyond perfect and I'm scared to stop it, not knowing how he will react.

I pull away once more but this time I press my finger to his lips to stop him from coming back on to me, "James, I want you so bad." I whisper, and it's barely audible since I still haven't regained the breath the he has stolen from me. He runs his hand up my arm and holds onto my wrist, trying to pull it away from his swollen lips, and they look so perfect this way, and he leans towards me again, and I hesitantly lean away, "But I can't do this, not yet, I can't go this far." This time my voice is stronger, and I'm able to just say what I want.

He leans away from me and pulls his hands off of my body, and I'm immediately assaulted by the cold that is replacing his touch, and I almost whimper from the loss. He stares at me for a moment, his eyes going from love and lust to something that I can't quite decipher, "Kendall," He stops and looks around the room, clearly at a loss of words, and to be quite honest, I don't have any words either.

We sit in an awkward silence and my mind won't stop; Fuck, I just fucked everything up and now James is going to leave and he isn't going to come back and our friendship is ruined all because I couldn't be what he wanted. I'm never good enough for any one and the one person I have always wanted is sitting right in front of me and wants all of me and I won't give it to him. I can't give it to him because he has gotten it from everyone he wants. "James," and that's all I got.

I lean back against the shelving that makes up my head board and throw my head back and I can feel the sweat that had settled on my skin become sticky as it dries, eww. I don't move when I feel him pull his legs to himself and moves away from me completely and I think that he is about to leave, just like I had been expecting him to the second that I really denied him. I'm preparing myself for when he gets off the bed and moves to the door and never looks back again, but it never comes.

I want to look up so bad, but I don't allow myself as I feel him move on the bed and suddenly he wraps his right arm around my neck and pulls me to him and I rest my forehead on his shoulder as he rests his left hand on my hip, just holding me. I want to pull away because this can't be happening, this is the exact opposite of what was supposed to happen.


	12. Chapter 12

In the morning I wake up and realize that my bed is empty, and immediately I'm afraid. Afraid that James didn't get what he wanted so after I passed out he snuck up to never return again. I'm afraid that I scared him off because I'm to clingy, well I don't think I'm clingy but what the fuck do I know, cause apparently I don't know anything at all. I roll out of my bed not caring that I'm bringing my blankets that are wrapped tightly around my waist with me and let them slip to the floor. My door is open like every morning so I know that mom has been in here since James left, he always shuts my door when he leaves, mom, well she always leaves it open when she lets my dog, Olivia out in the morning. Don't know why exactly.

I pull myself up from my floor and straighten the blue plaid pajama bottoms around my hips. I think about throwing on a t-shirt but when none of them on the floor spike my interest I shrug my shoulders and move down the hall way, she changed my diapers for crying out loud, I'm not thinking that seeing me half naked is really going to phase her too much. I listen as the TV gets louder and I know that my mom is waiting for me out in the living room. God, I love my mother. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a mamma's boy, ok?

As soon as I see her perched in the same chair she always is I smile and move to her as she speaks, "Hi, honey, James left about an hour ago, said he would be over this afternoon." I nod and lean over the side of the chair as she speaks and rest my head on her chest, and I feel her kiss my temple.

"Ok," I straighten up and look at the clock seeing that it's 10:30. I then look around towards the kitchen seeing that there isn't anything on the table, besides a coffee from the gas station down the road. They do have good ass coffee there. I move towards it and feel that it's full when I lift it. "Is there anything for breakfast?" I put the lid to my lips and I can tell immediately that it won't be warm, but that doesn't stop me from taking three large drinks of it.

"Kendall! Warm that up right now!" My mother yells at me and I arch a brown and pull it from my lips slightly and stare at her.

"Why? It still tastes good." I bring it back to my lips but before I can take another drink she yells again.

"No, warm that up! Don't drink it cold." I don't see why it matters to her, I'm the one that's drinking it, but I do what she says anyway and wander over to the microwave and set it inside. Just as I'm about to shut the door I stop.

"Is this safe in here?" I ask.

"Yeah, it'll be fine."

Once the timer goes off I walk back into the living room and see that she is watching some random movie that I've never heard of. I set the coffee on the floor and begin peeling my orange; it's always quite the task since I don't have really any nails since I bite. I'm about to take the first slice when she speaks, "So, James has been here a lot lately."

My heart stutters and I freeze, ok, wasn't expecting that, "Yeah, he doesn't really like being at home much." I say, and it's really not a lie. James hates being at home since his parents always seem to be off doing other things. And he likes coming over here because he likes seeing mom and Katie, and it has absolutely nothing to do with me…

"Well, I came in and checked on you guys last night and you were both passed up and" She pauses and just stares at me and she is probably trying to find the best word to describe the situation and I know that I'm holding my breath but I don't dare let it out because I swear that once I do tis going to knock down the entire house, "cuddling?" She continues and it's more of a question than a statement.

"Well, you know. It happens." I'm taking quickly and playing with my food not wanting to meet her eyes, "We're asleep and don't know that we are doing it."

Once I get the courage to look up she is staring at me with a skeptical look, "Uh huh. And you expect me to believe that?"

Ok, I knew that this was going to come at some point, and what's mom going to do if I tell her that we are dating? Not let him spend the night? Shit! She might, mom can kinda be that way. Fuck! That can't happen. There isn't any hiding it now and I know that the longer this goes on it's going to get harder to cover. I decide to just give her the basics and roll with it, "Well, there was a bad night at work once and I kinda kissed him," I'm talking fast again and I know that I'm rambling on, "then he was dropping hints to me but I didn't know how to take them. Then you remember that night I told you I was going over there real late? Yeah, well, he was drunk and then kissed me and I guess we have been together ever since then." I'm out of breath by the time I finish because I didn't stop to take one.

Mom is just staring at me, and I'm wondering if she believes it or not when she finally says, "Well, I've known since about two weeks ago. I heard you and Katie talking the other night to and that's when my suspicions were confirmed."

I don't really know what to say and I play with my orange some more, rolling it over in my hands, now that I've lost my appetite. A long silence passes before mom breaks it, "Well, I just want you two to be careful." I nod and stand and hold my orange out to her and she takes it. She pulls it in half and takes one slice before popping it into her mouth. After she is done chewing she continues as I begin to walk away towards my room, "Oh, and Kendall, please be careful with your heart," Wow mom, that was cheesy, "I just don't want it to get broken, ok?"

"Yeah, I know mom." I reply to her before leaving and gathering my clothes for a shower.

15 minutes later I'm standing under the warm water and letting it run down the back of my neck, and it feels amazing. He head is hung forwards with my chin against my chest. I think back on what my mom had said about not letting my heart get broken by James. And it kind of surprises me that she may know about James' bad habits, but in all honesty, who really doesn't know about his antics? Another thing that surprises me beyond belief is that she didn't even mention the fact that I'm dating a _guy _let alone my best f_riend_. I push all thought's aside and I listen to the music coming from my iPod that I have set up in the bathroom. Suddenly the song changes and I let out a huff of laughter as Over my Head booms through the speakers.

I begin to sing along to the song and I can't believe the words, well, I can because I'm terrified that this is what is going to happen to us. I shake my head, but don't stop singing; I have to stop thinking like this. If I ever want anything to go right with me and James shit has got to stop and I've got to just trust him. Every time he would just get with someone and then leave them after he was done he didn't know them well, just their name, age and maybe a few other miscellaneous information. But the difference here is that he _knows _me and he knows me better than anyone. He wouldn't do that to me. I know he wouldn't because he wouldn't take advantage of my feelings for him and just play with me, because he does know me and he wouldn't hurt his best friend like this.

As soon as I'm done with my ritual that I have acquired in the shower I get out and grab a towel, quickly running it over my body and through my hair before wrapping it around my waist and leave the bathroom, making a note to not forget to pick up my mess after I'm dressed.

As I turn to go down the hall way my mom yells out to me, "Don't forget that we need to do chores, so don't disappear in there on me."

I roll my eyes and mutter a "fuck my life" under my breath before shutting my door.

After I'm dressed and chores are done I lie in my bed and turn on my TV, watching some random show about ghosts. God, it's so fucking fake! I feel my phone buzz beside me on the bed and grab it quickly seeing that it's from James. I unlock my phone and read the message, '_I'm on my way babe ' _it says and I smile before sending a quick, '_see ya soon.'_

I let my head lull back, feeling it pull the muscles and it feels amazing. I groan and sit forward staring at my outfit. I start at the top and feel the gray beanie that is resting on my flat hair, I brush my bangs to the right before running my fingers down the side of my neck and over the collar of my navy blue and gray plaid, I play with the buttons doing and undoing the third one as I look down farther at my black jeans, held against my hips with a black leather belt. I rub my feet together since I don't have socks on yet and their cold. My feet are always fucking cold!

I sit up quickly and open sock drawer and pull out a pair of black ankle socks and slip them on before standing. I wander towards the living room and then to the kitchen where mom is beginning to unload the dish washer. I walk into the kitchen and before I can say anything she straightens up with a cup in her hand and says, "Kendall, come and unload the dishwasher."

I make a face at her before replying, "Why can't Katie. She will be home soon."

She puts the glass in the cabinet before answering, "Because, you don't work hardly enough and you only go to school two days a week, and it's only for a few hours. You need to help me more around the house."

I reluctantly move towards the dish washer and grumble, "Yeah, Katie doesn't work at all."

She gives me a stern look but doesn't say anything, instead she walks out of the kitchen and sits in the living room and I call out, "What? Now that I'm in here helping you, you won't help me?"

She gives me a tired stare before speaking, "Kendall, it's your chore." She turns back to the TV that is set on a low volume before she speaks again, "Oh, and I have a meeting at 7 o'clock so I'll be outta here around 6:30."

At this point I just let it go, knowing that she is tired, and that she does clean around the house and I don't know what the hell I would do without her, "Oh, and James will be here any second."

She looks up at me as I'm pushing the plates into the cabinet and says, "Well, you better hurry up if you don't wanna cut into you and James time." Really, was that necessary?

I just roll my eyes and as if on cue, I see a car pull into the drive way, and its way too early for Katie to be coming home from practice. I smile and bite at my lower lip knowing that James will be in here any second. I'm like a pathetic school girl who can't get enough of the hottest jock in school and quite frankly, I don't give a fuck.

I'm scurrying around the kitchen throwing things into their places as quickly as possible before James comes through the door. I'm throwing the last fork into the drawer when I hear James shut the door in the mud room and walk to the stairs that lead to him. James looks at me smiling as he shrugs out of his jacket, hangs it up, then kicks off his shoes bounding up the stairs once he has kicked them out of the way.

"Hi," He says flashing me his striking smile and he rests his hand on the side of my neck for half a second before dropping it to his thigh.

"Hi," I answer as I turn to go towards my room. I hear James and my mom exchange hello's before making our way down the hall to my room.

Once we are standing in my room my mom screams at us, "Be good!" there is moment's pause and I'm about to shut my door before she adds, "I know, James."

I roll my eyes dramatically and close my door before turning to James with an apologetic look before he speaks, "Kendall? What exactly does she know?" his voice low.

This wasn't exactly how I thought he would react and I'm a little afraid that he is going to be upset with me that I have told my mom. I hesitate for a moment, avert my gaze to my calendar that is now insanely interesting and whisper, "Well, I kinda sorta told her that we are, um, together."

A second passes and I nibble on my bottom lip desperately and then spare a glance at James before he lets out a sigh of relief causing me to let my body relax as I lean back against the door. I don't say anything, though I do reach out and grip onto James gray graphic t and bring him close to me and I push my lips against his with more force than necessary.

Our lips work together in a way I haven't quite experienced, even through all of our other needy kisses. I think this might be because this is the first time I'm all in. I'm ready for this and I'm not going to let another moment pass like that, when I'm holding back and not giving James everything I have to offer him, because God I fucking love this boy so much.

I moan into his mouth as he licks my bottom lip asking to be let in, and I deny him before smirking against his lips. He pulls back just enough to whisper against my lips, and I shudder at the feeling of his breath against my lips, "Kendall, don't be a di-" his voice cuts off in a high pitched squeak as I press my thigh tightly against his crotch and I smile.

After a moment he pushes back against me and leans in to attack my lips but I move away just in time and press my hands to his chest to stop him momentarily before I speak in a whisper, "James, I'm ready for this."

He looks at me for a moment as he tries to understand what I'm referring to before nodding and he leans into me, and I let him, pressing his lips lightly to mine before he presses me against the door and deepens the kiss. I move my hands up his sides and clasp them each to the sides of his neck and pull him closer. He pulls back and I don't open my eyes silently willing him to come back to me, "Are you sure?" He whispers.

I just nod before pulling him back to me and just before our lips touch he whispers "Ok" and kisses me again and I push my thigh back against his hardening cock urging him on.

**Ok, so as always, I love to read your reviews so please tell me what you all think. If you want you can ALWAYS message me! I don't bite, I promise. But anyways, I'm going to have more mature content in the next chapter so just a heads up. And I usually like to answer my reviews with a message so if you get a random message from me, that would be why, if you couldn't figure it out. Any ways…yeah, please review (or send me a message) and let me know what you think! I can't stress enough how much I love reading what you think and if you have ideas don't hesitate! Thank you again! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Just want to put out there that this chapter is a freaking roller coaster. Enjoy the ride. **

"James, I haven't ev-," I gasp before James cuts me off before saying.

"I know babe, you haven't ever done this before." I nod with my forehead resting against his broad shoulder. I can feel his breath steady against my neck and his hands are under my shirt creeping up my sides, bringing the bottom of my shirt up. I lean back against the door when my shirt is up to my chest and I lift my hands above my head as he pulls it off and before it even hits the floor he is back at my body, his lips attacking the nape of my neck, and fuck it feels so good.

He tangles his fingers in the hair at the very top of my head and cranes my neck, exposing much more to him. I push my hips forward and press just slightly against his hips and I don't get what I want. I glide my hands just barely over the skin of his waist and I let my fingertips travel south slightly before hooking them into his belt loops and bring his hips forward, fast, and I push against him. I smile when he lets out a deep grown and bites down on my neck. He lets go of my hair and slides his fingertips over my shoulders and chest. I pull him forward again and his hands immediately go to my hips and he's gripping them for dear life.

I feel his lips brush against the spot that he had just released from his teeth and I bite down on my own lip. I'm about to press against him once more but I find myself pushing him off of me when I hear my mother's voice, "Kendall!" She yells and I'm terrified that she heard us. I open my door just enough so that I can stick my head of out the crack.

"Yeah?" I ask and I'm now worried about how rough my voice is and I feel James come up behind me and he grips my hips before I feel him rubbing against me. Oh, fuck! I bite my lip and let my head fall back, only just slightly though.

"I'm going to my meeting. I'll be back in a few hours, ok?" She says and I can hear her going down the steps into the mudroom.

"OK, bye, love you." I say everything quickly and I can just barely hear her scream back a 'I love you' before I have my door shut and I'm turned wrapping my arms around James' neck frantically and pressing my lips to his, using my body to push him to my bed. Once the back of his knees hit the side of the bed he is sitting and I'm climbing into his lap. I put my hands flat on his chest and push gently until he gets the point and lies back flat against the bed. I lean with him; only I'm going forward, and I cup my hands around the sides of his neck.

I pull back a little and place a few light kisses on his lips before giving him a longer one that is slightly deeper before pulling away completely. I lean down and rest my forehead on his shoulder. I smile slightly when I feel him wrap his arms around my middle, pulling me closer to him, "Kendall, you kn-" I cut him off when I hold my hand up.

I know that I said that I was ready, but I don't think I was before. But now, I know that I'm ready. I want this. I've always wanted this. But I can't help but think if this means to James what it does to me. Does he love me? I don't know. But I do know that whenever he holds me close, like he is now, I get butterflies in my stomach and I love the warmth that comes from his body, even more than I did before, if that is even fucking possible. I think I love James. I want to tell him. I've wanted to tell him for the past three days, but I don't know if that is a good idea. But you know I gotta get it over with, gotta tell him sometime, and make sure he knows that I'm not just saying it like we did when we were friends. I gotta make sure he understands how deep I mean it. But what if I _am _just a game to him? What if he has other people that he is seeing right now? Yeah, he spends most of his nights here with me, but what about the nights he doesn't. Is he home in his own bed or in some chicks down the road? I just don't know what to think. And I'm terrified that I'm going to make a huge mistake. I mean, this is _my _virginity and I'm going to be giving it to someone who has slept with so many people, some of them just one night stands, and he could hardly remember their names. Fuck.

I take in a deep breath, breathing in his scent to calm myself before I pull away slightly so that I can look at him. I lock eyes with him, and I'm close enough that I can see all the different colors, how the browns turn into ambers then into greens. God, he's fucking gorgeous. I see his eyes scoping out my features, just as I am his. But I don't let myself think about what he is thinking of me. I let my eyes travel across his face, over his cheek bones, and I lift a hand to run my thumb across one of them, then I slowly avert my gaze down to his lips, and then trace them with my index finger. I love his lips and everything about him, why is he so fucking perfect? I could never measure up to what he is; I don't understand why he is even here, with me at all. Why does he have any interest in me? Beyond his whorish ways, James has an amazing heart and personality. I've gotten to know them as his friend and I want to know them as something more but it's hard to get past his exterior. I know it shouldn't bother me because I'm pretty sure I'm the only one but it does, more than anything.

I take in a deep breath to say something but just as the word is on the tip of my tongue I change my mind and kiss him instead, letting the word come out in a moan. I grip the front of his shirt tightly and deepen the kiss before pulling away and as I do his arms tighten around my waist. My eyes flutter open and I'm looking at him once more, and I'm pretty sure I'm about to make a huge fucking mistake, "James, I'm the only one right?"

Confusion immediately takes over his once soft expression, "What are you talking about?" He releases me slightly and rests his hands on my hips and I sit up in his lap as he sits up onto the bed, and I'm looking down at him now.

"James, I need to make sure that you're all in this like I am. We haven't gone out on a real date, and I understands its weird, we are getting used to being," I gesture to his hands on my hips and I rest my hands on each side of his neck and give him a quick peck on the lips, and I lick mine quickly when I pull away trying to taste him on them, and I succeed. I don't understand why I'm such a freak sometimes. "This. But I just don't know. I don't know what to think or feel or what I should do. I'm so confused." I'm rambling on, I know but once the words started to come, I couldn't stop them.

Usually when James comes over we watch a movie or TV, or play video games, then we make out for a bit before going to sleep. He has been trying to get me to let him into my pants but I haven't, as you now know. I can't it's not right to me. My mind and heart scream no until I know exactly what the hell is going on, though don't get me wrong, my body has no protest what so ever.

His hands travel up my bare stomach, then chest, over my shoulders, and mimic mine, and cup my neck on each side. I can feel myself going into a panic attack since he isn't speaking right away and I can feel my body begin to shake, and his hands tighten around my neck. I'm looking everywhere, down at his shirt, our laps, my hands that are now gripping the shirt on his shoulders, "Kendall," his voice is stern, "Look at me." I think I stop breathing and I look right into his eyes, nodding my head frantically, "You are the only one, ok?" I continue to nod, "I am not seeing any one else. I know that I maybe haven't felt like a boyfriend, just maybe friends with benefits. Though, I hope you can see that I don't want to push you. I want you to see that you're not just one of my games. I couldn't do that to you, you were my best friend and I want to show you that I want more of you." My entire body is rigid but I let out that breath I was holding and I begin to shake again though I don't look away from his eyes. I wanted him to say those three words so badly so that I don't have to be the one that is most likely going to be saying them first, though I'm soaking up every emotion he is showing. I see fear, hope, love, and wonder, and I know that it's all for me.

"James." I don't say another word before I'm leaning forward, crashing my lips to his and I'm not even able to think straight. All I know is that I want him, and all of him, right here and right now. I wrap my arms around his neck and he is standing. I wrap my legs around his waist, holding tightly to him, as he turns before climbing onto the bed and leaning forward until I'm on the mattress, and he is settled between my legs.

I reach around him and I lift his shirt up to his shoulders and he sits up on his knees just long enough to strip it off before he comes back down and takes one of my nipples into his mouth. I arch my back off the mattress and let out a long, low moan. I tangle my fingers in his hair and I brush his bangs out of his face as I look down at him. He moves from my nipples and attacks my collar bone with teeth and tongue. I push up into him and moan when my hard cock rubs against his abdomen and just as I'm getting the friction I desperately want he bites down on my neck and moans against my skin, sending a shiver threw out my entire body, "Oh, fuck. _James. _Touch me." I have my arms wrapped around his shoulders now, wanting to pull him closer and force him to touch my entire body.

I feel him smile against my neck before he speaks, "Kendall, are you sure?" As he asks this I can feel his smile disappear and his voice is concerned.

"James, please, I need you." God I sound so pathetic but right now I really don't give a fuck. I just want him. I feel him laugh against my skin before he sits up and he begins to undo my belt and the button on my jeans and the entire time I'm raking my eyes up and down his body. When my jeans are undone he hooks his fingers in the belt and looks at me for approval. I hesitate for a moment before biting my lip and nodding. After a moment of his own hesitation James is pulling my jeans down and he moves to my side before pulling them all the way off of me though leaving my boxers around my hips before he pulls his jeans off himself.

He comes back between my legs and he pushes his hips down on my and I can feel his cock against mine and he moans out my name before doing it again and this time I close my eyes and throw my head back into my pillow and push my hips in sync with his and let out a muffled moan from around my lip that is between my teeth.

I feel him drag his fingertips down the center of my chest and stomach and I push into him before he grabs my hip and pushes me back into the mattress. I open my eyes and focus on him and I see that he is studying me and I whisper, "Come here." And he does and kisses me hard and almost immediately he grabs the front of my crotch, pushing his palm down onto my cock and I push up into his hand and let out a loud moan before breaking away for a breath. "James, _fuck_." My voice is a broken mess and I let my hands slide down his sides and I slide my fingers into the waist band of his boxers and pull it slightly before letting it snap back against his skin and he growls against my shoulder and I moan at the sound of it hitting his skin.

He pulls away and I make a disapproving noise before I feel his lips on my chest, "James, you got lube?" I breathe out.

He stops for a moment and I prop myself up on my elbows and look down at him and he is looking up at me before he gasps, "Yeah, I think I got some in my car."

Before I can react he is up and moving down the hall way in just his boxers, "Wait, James, you do know that it's like 14 degrees out and _snowing. _And, you're in your boxers!"

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I'll only be out for a moment." He yells back and I hear the door open and close. I lie back onto the mattress and wait for him. About 45 seconds later I hear the door open and slam and I hear him run up the stairs. "Oh, my God!" He yells as he moves towards my room and shuts the door. He sets the lube on the dresser next to my bed and he is rubbing his arms quickly. "Oh, my God! It's so fucking cold out."

"Didn't I tell you _not _to do that?" I say as I smile up at him.

"Yeah, but you didn't tell me not to do this." As he is saying this he falls on top of me and presses his colder than hell body against mine.

"James!" my voice is high pitched and I am wiggling under him trying to push him away from me. "Get off! You're freezing!" I'm laughing as he finally rolls off of me and lies beside me on the bed.

He leans over and presses his lips to mine, though it's not much of a kiss since we are both still smiling. Before I know it he is on top of me again, pushing me into the bed and grinding his hips down onto mine. We are both a moaning mess after just moments and my hands are dragging up and down his back as I'm trying to take all of these emotions and sensations in a once. He moves his lips to my neck and I can't help but moan out a, "Oh, God James, just fuck me already."

He growls into my shoulder before biting down and he pushes down on my crotch again with his palm, "Oh, fuck, Kendall."

I move my hands to his hips and I slide down his boxers before I reach between us and wrap my fingers around his cock slowly, as I do this he bites down on my shoulder and I let out a groan before he thrusts down into my hand. This continues for a few moments before he pulls my boxers from my hips and we work to get both the articles of clothing off quickly, tossing them aimlessly across my room.

He moves so that he is sitting next to me with his back against the headboard and he pats his lap signaling for me to come here. I straddle his lap and I lean down and nip at his neck pulling a deep moan from him and I smile against the skin. "Like that?" I ask in a seductive tone and he nods. I drag my tongue from the base of his neck up to his ear and I whisper, "Are you excited for this?" Ok, I may not be the cleverest or come up with the sexiest sayings but I still elicit another moan from deep in his throat and he grabs my ass and pulls my down on his hips, causing our cocks to touch and we both throw our heads back letting moans escape our lips. When he does it again I breath out a fuck and dig my barely there nails into his shoulders.

I pull my head up when I feel him reaching for something and I realize that it's the lube. Oh, shit. I can feel my heart speed up in my chest and my breathing shallows. I watch his every move carefully. Watching as he pops the top and puts a generous amount onto his fingers before closing and tossing the bottle to the floor in one fluid motion. He wraps one arm around my waist and brings me forward in a small kiss before he pulls back to look at me.

"Are you ready?" He asks and I lean forward to rest my forehead in the crook of his neck and nod.

I feel him move his hand behind me and I straighten slightly when I feel his finger touch my entrance, the lube cold to the touch. He tightens his grip on me and I bite down on my lip letting out a groan as he slowly pushes his finger inside of me. I wrap my right arm around his neck and my left one between us and I tangle my fingers with his hand that is around my waist, trying to cling to him as the burning runs up my spine. He doesn't move for a long time and just as I'm about to rock back on his hand he slowly pushes farther into me and I let out another groan. Once he starts to set a small pace he turns and whispers into my ear, "its ok babe, I got you. Just tell me to stop if it gets to be too much."

After a few minutes of going slow with just one finger James picks up the pace before adding another. The pain shooting all the way to the base of my neck and he only holds me tighter. I try not to think about how many times he has done this a soothed a guy this way.

I shut my eyes and successfully will the thoughts away when he crooks his fingers and I moan loudly pushing my hips down against his, "hm, James, it feels so fucking good." Ok, it feels good in a painful way. Is that too weird? Soon I've matched the rhythm of his fingers and he begins to scissor them, making sure that I'm going to be ready for him.

He pulls out of me and after a moment of looking around he wipes his fingers on my hip and I look at him with my mouth open, "Are you fucking with me right now?" He laughs, "James, that is fucking gross. Was that really fucking necessary?" And he laughs more. I'm going to murder him.

After he gains his control he looks at me and says, "We're going to shower after this any ways. And I didn't have a towel."

I point to my hip and snap back, "So you used me?"

He can't help the smile that is spreading across his face as he nods at me.

I glare before asking, "Do you have a damn condom?"

He stops laughing and looks at me like I had just slapped him across the face, "No." His voice is low.

"Really?" I say and look at him for a moment and he doesn't answer, just stares. Sometimes I don't know why I am friends with him, and now I really don't understand why I'm _dating _him. I lean over to the side and open a drawer that is in the dresser next to my bed and pull out a condom.

After I sit back on his lap he points to the condom that I am now ripping open and asks, "Where did you get that?" What the fuck kinda question is that?

I don't take my eyes off the wrapper that is now being extremely difficult and shrug, "Logan."

"Logan?" He asks his voice almost accusing.

"Yup, he left them here one time after home work. They were in his backpack and he dropped them over there and never picked them up." As I say 'over there' I point to the side of my bed that is near the wall.

I finally get it open and pull the condom out as he asks his next stupid question, "And you didn't give them ba-hmmm." I smile when his question is cut short when I roll the condom over his cock.

I kiss him quickly before pulling back and asking a question of my own, "Is there a problem with that?" I raise a brow.

He shakes his head as he grips my hips and I let out a squeak when he rolls us so that I'm now on my back with him resting between my legs and I feel his cock pressed tightly to mine. "Fuck, James."

"Yeah, babe, I'm gonna fuck you alright." His voice is soft but his body is pressed tightly against mine and I just nod as I arch my back off the bed. He is hovering above me on his elbows and stares down at me. His eyes are blown and his breathing is labored and he leans down pressing his lips against mine in a hungry manner. I push up against him and we both moan into the kiss that is now becoming sloppy.

He pulls away and moves until he is resting on his knees and he hooks his hands under mine and spreads my legs wider before he lines the head of his cock up with my entrance. I'm watching his face intently and he looks up at me and asks once more, "Ready?" And I just nod because I'm sick of him asking it so many times when I'm clearly fucking ready. He sounds like a broken record. "Kendall, it's going to hurt." He warns and I just nod because I know it's going to hurt and I just want to get that part over with as soon as possible.

As he pushes in I stare at his abs, taking in every sexy line and I look across his chest and how he is like a fucking God. Though, I'm not able to watch for long because I'm throwing my head back into the pillow arching off the bed and grabbing the sheets that are under me, and sharp moan coming from deep in my chest.

He bottoms out before he falls forward over me and wraps an arm around my waist while keeping himself up with the elbow of the other. I take in the feeling of his hand settling on the other side of my waist, thumbing the soft skin. I'm biting down on my bottom lip, hard, and I'm not breathing while I wait for my body to adjust to the intrusion. He is whispering in my ear but I can't make out his words because I'm so focused on everything that I'm feeling I don't have room for any of that information, though I welcome his soothing voice. My body begins to relax and I open my eyes to look into his before nodding, giving him permission to continue.

As he pulls out I am not expecting it to be just as excruciating as going in but it is. I move one hand to the back of his head and I tangle my fingers in his hair and I tighten my legs around his waist, trying to a grip on anything I can, mainly him. He stops again and I shake my head before he continues to move, and he leans down so that he is whispering into my ear saying the one thing that drives me crazy, and I'm still ashamed to admit that it, "I've got you, Kendall, I got you. Not going to let anything happen to you." Oh, fuck! I let out a moan as he finishes his sentence. He moves slowly back and forth before I loosen my grip on him slightly and with each thrust he quickens his pace the tiniest bit, and he is letting out the sexiest groans that I have ever imagined.

As the pain in my body subsides for the most part I'm able to think like a normal human being and I'm grateful for it, so that I can enjoy this to some extent. He brings his arm out from under me and he props himself up onto his hands and I have one hand resting on his cheek now while the other is still gripping the sheets. He looks down at me before he pulls out so that just the head is inside of me and he pauses and we lock eyes before he thrusts back into me, hard. The hand that was on his cheek is now gripping his bicep and my back is off the bed and I'm letting out a moan that is more like a scream before he does it again and my eyes are screwed shut. After I get used to it, I'm rocking my hips in rhythm to his and it feels like ecstasy. The way our bodies are moving together and I can't get enough of it.

I have my head tilted to the side and I feel something hit my neck before I turn and look at him. He's got his head back and I see a stream of sweat running down the side of his neck before coming around to the front and dropping off of his skin and onto mine. God, it's a fucking amazing sight.

"Mngh, James." I gasp out and I grip his hips. He drops his head and bites down on my shoulder, hard and I let out a groan. "Fuck me harder babe. I wanna make you come."

He obeys by pulling away from me and sits back on his knees and he grabs my hips, lifting them off of the mattress before pounding into me. The angle change is amazing and I feel him hit something inside of me and I arch my back more, if even possible, and I let out a pleasured scream.

"Kendall, say my name." His voice is deep and raspy and I don't think that I have ever heard something so sexy.

I reach above me and grip the pillow under my head with one hand, while the other goes to my hair and I'm pulling on it. My voice isn't much but a raspy breath and every time he thrusts into me I say his name.

His pumping becomes sporadic and fast before he stops completely and lets out a long, low growl and he is falling over me and resting his head against my shoulder and I reach one hand behind his head while the other goes to his back and I'm caressing him gently.

After a moment of rest he props himself on a shaky elbow and reaches between our bodies and takes a hold of my cock, causing me to gasp. He begins a slow rhythm though picks it up quickly and he has his lips against my neck, "come on, Kendall. I know that you wanna come. You wanna come for me." It doesn't take long after that before I'm coming and the warm liquid is falling over his hand and our chests.

He pulls out of me and rolls to the side so that he is on his back beside me. I close my eyes and I feel that I could pass out without moving a single bit, and I almost do until James' voice brings me out of it, "Hey, babe, you ok?"

Reluctantly I turn and look at him before smiling at the sight, his face is flushed and he has sweat still rolling down the side of his face. "Yeah, 'm ok, just tired." I pause before adding, "what about you?"

"I'm great." He gives a smile and a weak laugh before he sits up and pulls the condom off tying it in a knot and stands.

"Where you goin?" I ask, my voice just as calm and delicate as my body feels. I almost feel numb.

"Just going to get a towel." He says, his voice mimicking mine.

I nod and close my eyes again letting my head roll to the other side. A few moments later I barely feel him climb back into my bed until I'm jolted back to reality with the cold of the wet towel on my stomach. I open my eyes and look up at him and he looks beautiful, the way that his hair is falling into his hazel eyes, that haven now returned to normal, and he isn't as flushed. I bite my lip and relax while he cleans me up.

After he cleans me up I watch as he gets off the bed and drops the towel on the floor before picking up my boxers, he already has his on, and he throws them at me before shut off the light and closing my door. I shimmy into them and let the elastic slap against my skin. I slide under the covers and hold them open to him before he lies under them with me. I turn my back to him before grabbing his left hand and bringing it over my waist. I drop it and cross my arms over my chest and he slides his right arm under my neck and grips my left shoulder pulling me against his chest and he leaves his left hand low on my abdomen.

He kisses me neck before nuzzling into my shoulder and he whispers a goodnight which I return. Everything goes silent after that and a short amount of time passes before his body is relaxed against mine and I can feel his soft breaths against my skin. I know I shouldn't say it but it's how I feel right now, and they say you should always tell people how you feel about them. I squeeze my eyes shut before relaxing though my heart is beating a million miles a second and I take in a soft breathe before I whisper, "I love you."

Just as I say it I feel him gasp behind me and tighten his grip before releasing it and I think he was just reacting to my voice before he says, "Love you, too," and I feel his lips barely move against my skin.

After this I settle deeper under the covers and into him tangling my legs with his and I close my eyes for the night. I barely even notice it when my mom comes home a little while later and puts my dog, Olivia, in my room like she does every night.

**Wow, so this took me like three days to write, and I know it's freakishly long, but I couldn't cut it into two chapters. That would have been torture. Anyways, this is only my second time writing anything like this and I'm honestly terrified. I don't know how it took me over 5,000 words to write a sex scene that probably wouldn't have lasted 45 minutes. Anyways, please, please, please let me know what you think! I need to know what you think about this chapter! I hope its ok and didn't drag on or anything. Oh, and I think that this story is going to be about 20 chapters, and I'm thinking it's going to have a sequel, I got big plans ahead and I'm really excited to write it. It's going to get a bit depressing and dramatic. But anyways, when that comes I'll ask if you guys want a sequel and if it should be from James' or even Logan or Carlos' perspective. I'll let you know! Once again, please tell me what you think. You can even do it in a message. **


	14. Chapter 14

"_James_!" I groaned at his ceiling as he changed for our night out.

"_Kendall!_" He mimicked me with a soft laugh.

"No, you know I don't like to bowl. I think it's boring _and _we all can't have a normal conversation because we have to keep getting up to throw a stupid ball down a piece of wood." I complained as I fidgeted with the buttons on my gray plaid. "I mean, seriously, why bowling? Why not like…." Yeah, I got nothing.

"Exactly," James said as he plopped down on his bed beside me and looks up at his ceiling before turning his head to look at me. I kept my eyes on the boring white. "We have nothing better to do in this little old town, and besides. It's supposed to snow like a bitch tonight so mom doesn't want us to leave town."

"I really don't think that this snow storm is gonna be all their making it out to be." I replied now glancing over at James who is now looking at his ceiling. "Has Carlos or Logan texted you back yet?"

James reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out before holding it above us and checked for any messages, nada. "Nope," he said before he opened a blank text and made it so that it would send the same message to both boys. I watched as he typed, '_Get over here bitches before Kendall has a hissy fit.' _And with that he sent it.

He turned his head and looked at me and stuck out his tongue, and I just made a face at him. Just as he was turning his head back to the phone he dropped it on his face and he let out a loud groan and held his face, rolling onto his stomach, "Oh, my fucking God!" He screamed into the mattress. Yeah, it hurts like a mother fucker and I don't advise any one to do this at home.

I tried to hold back a laugh but I couldn't. Does that make me a bad boyfriend? I rolled over to him so that I was lying across his back and had my chin on his shoulder and I talked quietly to him through my giggles, "Aw, are you alright babe?" I let out another laugh, "And Karma is a fucking bitch, huh?"

"Yes," his word was barely audible as he spoke into the covers. "And fuck you!"

I laughed again and gently dragged my tongue over his neck before I whisper into his ear, "You know you wanna."

He rolled over so that I was now resting on his chest and he smiled at me. And I couldn't help but laugh again at the red mark on his forehead and I shifted so that I was straddling his lap before I leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to it. "Feel better, babe?" I asked in a mocking tone.

"I hate you." He muttered through a pout but I could see that he was trying with all his might not to smile.

"Aww, you're so fucking sweet!" I exclaimed excitedly. I was about to rock back onto his groin before his phone vibrated on the bed next to us, lucky bastard, and he grabbed it and looked at it. "Really, do you wanna repeat what just happened?" I asked watching him hold his phone above his face, again.

"Nope and Carlos is at least on his way." James said before lying the phone on the bed next to us again and I decide that I'm going to be nice and not give everyone a show at the bowling alley.

He reached up and placed his hands on my hips and gently rocked me back, so much for my plan. "You know, it's been a while." His voice is so hot when he sports that seductive tone, and I bite down on my lower lip.

"James, it's been since yesterday." I say in a matter of fact tone.

"Yeah, yesterday _morning_." Really?

"You know what I find strange?" I ask my voice more serious and thoughtful.

He continues rocking my hips gently as we speak and I am leaned over with my hands splayed across each side of his chest, "What's that?"

I'm trying to think of what to say but it's not all that easy as I feel him slowly becoming hard underneath me and I stare down at his face, which is sporting a sly smile, thank you God for creating such a beautiful creature and allowing him to be mine. I finally get my shit together and I'm able to speak, "That it's only been a week since you took my virginity and I feel like we have been together like this for years."

He stills our movements and his face turns thoughtful before he speaks slowly, his voice almost a whisper, "Yeah, but we are also just now starting to act like are together and not just friends, that wasn't easy for either of us, you know?" He paused for a moment before continuing, "Like, we basically still act the same towards each other as we always have but now we are getting the hang of the fact that it's ok to touch each other, even in the smallest ways. I had to think about it before telling myself, 'It's alright, James, your aloud to hold his hand' or 'no he's not going to punch you if you kiss him'"

I lean forward with a small smile and I gently kiss his lips before pulling back slightly to speak against his lips, not opening my eyes, "I would never," I kiss him again, "hit you for kissing me." And I go in to kiss him again but I feel him shake his head and I look at him in confusion.

He looks annoyed when he speaks, "Really? That's what you took for my little speech?"

I'm about to protest when we hear the door open to James' bedroom and I look over my shoulder to see Carlos standing there with a slightly shocked expression on his face before he smiles and makes his way into the room and closes the door behind him, "Am I interrupting something?" He asks with a mischievous smile.

I smile at the Latino and shake my head, "Nope, we were just talking."

His smile gets bigger before he says, "Oh, that's what the kids call it now days?" And he laughs.

I reach out to hit him but he rushes over and wraps his arms around me and holds my tight around the shoulders and chest, rocking me back and forth and saying in a ridiculous tone, "Oh, my God, Kendall! I love you so much!" He drags out the 'so' and I hear James groan from beneath me and we both stop moving and laughing.

James reaches up and grabs my hips moving me to the side and letting me rest on the bed and as I'm straightening up I realize the erection my boyfriend is sporting and he stands trying to hide it but it's too late, me and Carlos have both seen and break out in laughter.

"I really do hate both of you." James grumbles as he fixes his shirt that is twisted around his middle and I stand off the bed and move towards him and wrap my arms around his neck bringing him in for a kiss. I drag it out, letting our lips slide together with ease and I feel him rest his hands on my hips, pulling them closer to his as he deepens the kiss, though I pull away quickly when Carlos clears his throat awkwardly from the bed and I separate myself from my boyfriend just as Logan walks into the room and Carlos lights up like a Christmas tree. I watch as he prances over to the smaller brunette and wraps his arms around him tightly and he says, "Thank you, thank you so much for saving me from these idiots!"

As Carlos pulls away from him Logan slides his arm around the Latino's waist and holds him close before looking between James and me before shaking his head, "You know what? Don't tell me what just happened. I don't wanna know." Though, he was suppressing a small smile.

We pulled up to the bowling alley, which was packed, and filed out of the car before walking inside. I really don't want to bowl but I guess if that's what the other three want my vote is out. And to be honest, if their happy then I can at least pretend to be.

As we were walking up to the counter to pay for a lane I heard someone call out to us and I saw that it was Dak and his girlfriend, Jo. We don't really hang around them much but I don't mind spending time with them. James put his hand in mine and gave it a small squeeze as we walked towards the other male. He must be feeling insecure about Jo being here, even though she has Dak now.

A few years ago I had a huge crush on Jo. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl, she was cute, funny, sweet, and never said a bad thing about anyone. I remember one night James was spending the night at my house and I kept him up for an hour and a half telling him all the things that I liked about Jo. Now that I think about it I feel awful, I don't know if he had any sort of crush on me then or not, though I know he must have since he talked me out of making a move on her by telling me that she had a boyfriend in a different school. In this moment though, I'm grateful that he lied to me because God knows what life would be like if he hadn't. I know I wouldn't have him right now.

I reach out and take his hand in mine before pulling him towards me and I give him a quick peck on the lips before I let go of him with a smile.

I say a quick hello to Dak before I move past him, patting him quickly on the shoulder, before I make my way to Jo. I lean over and give her a quick hug before I settle in the seat that is next to her.

"Hey, how are you doin?" I ask, hoping my voice is loud enough for her to hear me over the music.

She leans forward before she gives me her responds, "I'm good. We just finished a game." She pointed over her shoulder towards the TV that had a screen up instructing how to start another game.

I'm not really sure what to say now and I can feel myself begin to blush. God, what the hell? I know that I don't have feelings for her. Maybe I'm still worked up about the fact that she was my first _real _crush and that I told James everything that I loved about her, in lots of detail.

After a moment of silence I turn in my seat so that my back is facing her and I look up at the four other males who are having a conversation that I can't make out over the pounding music. The sound cuts off for a moment before a song comes on that I know we all know and I feel it thrumming through my body.

I turn back around in my seat and I catch Jo's eye and I smile at her and begin to sing along to the lyrics, and she soon catches on before she begins to sing along with me and I start to think back to the first time I heard this song:

It was, God, probably eight years ago and James and I were down in my basement watching a movie when Carlos and Logan came running down the stairs, not bothering to do it quietly and ran in front of the couch that we were resting on and held a CD out for us to see. Logan almost collided with him, oh and they weren't dating back them either.

"Look at what I got!?" Carlos asked with so much excitement I couldn't help but smile.

I reached out and I grabbed it from him and read the front, "Nickelback? Never heard of 'em." I shrug my shoulders and hand it over to James who has his hand out waiting for me to give it to him.

"Oh," He says before turning it over to read the name of the songs on the back of the casing, "I think I've heard of them. I heard one of the guys on the hockey team talking about them."

Carlos snatches it back from the brunette and while he is walking towards the CD player he speaks, "I know! I haven't listened to it yet." He inserts the CD and turns the case over and says, "I heard that Animals is a good one on here." And he gives a small snicker before turning to that song. Logan took a seat on the arm of the couch beside James and waited for the music to begin.

As soon as the music starts to play I start drumming my on my knees and I smile over at James, yes, I had a crush on him way back then alright? As soon as the lyrics began to come through I knew that I loved the song. Damn, I wanted to get with James right then and there. I glanced over at him and he was watching me and he broke out in a smile and he was rocking back and forth with the beat. I turned to look at Carlos who was tapping the side of the table. The chorus rang out for the second time, and I silently declared it as our song, though I would never say that out loud. I'm really not that cheesy. As we were singing the second half of the song I glanced back and James and I realized just how dirty it was and we locked eyes, and that was the moment that I realized how hard I was falling for my best friend, and fast.

Once the song is over I stand and say to Jo, "How about we all go into the bar and sit on the couches in there and catch up?"

"That sounds good, let's collect these guys first," She says as she points at the others.

As soon as I turn I catch James' eye and my smile quickly fades. He is looking at me like he just caught me in bed with someone else and it sends a shiver up my spine, as if his eyes are piercing through my skin.

I try and shake it off and wander towards him and take his hand, reaching over to kiss his neck lightly, and I don't get a much of a response, only a slight squeeze of the hand. "Come on babe, let's go into the bar."

As I begin to pull James towards the bar Jo is pulling Dak and Carlos and Logan are following close behind. As soon as we walk in I find a few couches in the back of the bar and point at them. As we approach I realize that there isn't enough room for all of us so I gently push James down and I move into his lap. Dak and Jo go and return their shoes before they join us on the couch across from the one that me, James, Logan, and Carlos are occupying, Carlos is sitting on Logan's lap.

As soon as I'm sitting he is wrapping his arms around me protectively, though he doesn't look happy, at all. Shit. I know that this has to do with the fact that I was singing such a sexual song with of all people, Jo. But James knows that I don't have feelings for her anymore and she has Dak. I'm sitting on his lap sideways so I'm easily able to look down at him and I tilt his chin up and I place a gentle kiss to his lips before I pull away and whisper, so only he can hear, "I love you."

"I love you too," It wasn't exactly what I wanted; he mumbled it and didn't even look at me when he said it. He stared across the room towards the people standing at the bar. What the fuck?!

I let it go because I don't want anything to go down right now. An hour passes where we just talk and mess around a little. I almost murdered Carlos when he said that he was going to the bathroom when instead he had snuck behind me with an ice cube and put it down the back of my shirt. Damn, that shit was cold.

It was almost midnight when I saw Logan push Carlos up to his feet and he looked behind him out the window and I followed suit, groaning when I saw that there was already a dusting of snow on the ground and it didn't look like it was going to let up any time soon. "Well, James, I think that we should get back to your place before your mom has a bitch fit at us for being out so late and with the snow starting."

I stand and stretch my back, letting out a relieved sigh when it cracks. I turn and put my hand out to James to help him up but he ignores it and gets up on his own. Are you fucking kidding me right now? You're still pissed about me singing a song with Jo? Ugh, you're being a pussy, James. Of course I can't say all this out loud without making a scene but no one can stop me from thinking it. We are going to have a major discussion when we get home.

After I wipe the shock off my face I look up at him and hold out my hand, "Can I have the key's to go and warm up the car?" To my surprise he complies and hands them over, and to just add fuel to the fire I walk around the coffee table and give Jo and tight hug before turning on my heel and walking towards the door, but before I get there someone is grabbing me by the wrist and I turn quickly and speak in a low growl trying to rip my arm from their grasp, "Don't fucking touch me, James." But my face immediately softens when I realize that it's Logan who is holding my wrist, but all I want to do is get away.

As I begin to walk away from him he moves quickly so that he is standing next to me, "Ok, Kendall. What the hell is wrong with, James?"

Wow, the prick was being that obvious? I thought he was gonna ask what the hell was up with me. "He's jealous." I state simply and adjust the keys so that I can use the automatic unlock as we approach the door that leads us outside.

"Jealous?" Logan says quietly as we push through the doors as if he is saying the word for the first time.

"Yeah. Jealous."

"Of what?" he asks in disbelief.

"I think of Jo." We are moving towards the vehicle now and I see that it is covered in snow. "While you guys were talking me and her were sitting at the table and Animals came on and we were singing it together. I didn't know that it was a sin to sing a song with a friend."

I'm now pulling open the passenger side door and put the key in the ignition before turning it and turning the defrosters on full blast before shutting that door and moving towards the back to grab the scraper out of the back seat to scrape off James' windshield.

"So let me get this straight, he is pissed off because he is jealous at you for singing a sexual song with a chick that you used to have a crush on?" He asked matter of fact like.

"Yup." I reply as I'm moving around the car brushing the snow off of all the windows, but I'm thankful it comes off easy cause there isn't any ice, yet.

"Wow, sometimes I wonder if James needs help with his anger problems."

I can't help but to smile at that because it's true, "And they say I have issues."

"Well, really, you both do." I glare at him and he takes a step back, raising his hands in defense.

By this time I'm finished and I throw the scraper into the back seat before slipping into the passenger seat and Logan is getting in behind me. As I'm rubbing my hands together and pulling my jacket tighter to my body I look up and see James and Carlos coming out of the bowling alley. I watch as James talks and he is using many hand gestures and I understand most of them as 'what the fuck.' I smile gently as Carlos throws his head back and I can see his breath come out thickly and I can almost hear him groaning and James shoots him a glare.

"Logan, I'm sorry that my boyfriend is a prick and decided to take it out on Carlos." I say as I keep my eyes on my boyfriend and friend.

"Eh, he will be fine." Logan says from the back seat and I know that he is also watching this play out in front of us.

I want to tell him that I'm sorry about the fact that him and Carlos are going to have to endure this awkward and possibly violent car ride but I don't get the chance because James is now getting into the driver's seat and throwing on his seat belt while Carlos gets in the back seat.

It's not until we are driving and no one has said a word that I realize I can't take this any more so I turn in my seat and I stare at James. After a moment he takes a glance at me with a confused look, almost innocent, and asks, "What?"

"Oh, no you don't. You know exactly what, James." My voice is normal volume but I can almost taste the poison coming from my words.

He glances at me one more time and I resist the urge to acknowledge the other two males sharing this unfortunate car ride. I'm crossing my arms over my chest as I wait for him to speak. "You know what, Kendall, this isn't my fault. You're the one that was singing _that _song with your former crush."

"Yeah, James," My voice is beginning to gain volume, "_Former _I have no feelings for her any more. She is just a friend." I pause, "Not even. We haven't spoken in months until tonight. It's just a song and it doesn't mean anything. So what if she was singing it with me. It's not like we were grinding. What makes you not trust me, James? I'm the one who should be, and is, having a hard time trusting." Oh, fuck. I did not just say that out loud. I haven't ever brought this up to him, though I know that he knows about my insecurities with him.


	15. Chapter 15

James slams on the breaks and we slide across the pavement before he pulls off to the side of the dirt road, and we were almost to his house, why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut? "You don't trust me?" He is now turned in his seat so that he is facing me and I'm leaning back against the car door.

Well, there's no turning back now, "Yes, James. I do have issues trusting you because you're the one that was a whore, not me. I don't understand why the _fuck _you would ever have issues trusting me." I can feel by entire body begin to tremble.

He opens his mouth to say something but then closes it before glancing down at the steering wheel, and when he speaks his soft tone takes me by surprise, "Kendall, I have never been with anyone like I have with you-"

"Yeah, cause you fuck them and dump them James." I interrupt him and I can feel the tears pressing on the back of my eyes and I refuse to cry, I will not fucking cry. I hate it when I cry more than anything and I won't let it happen, not in front of these three. "You haven't given anyone the time of day and that is why I don't trust you James. I don't know if you're gonna leave me in a weak because you've gotten bored of our sex and our entire friendship is going to be ruined." As I say this I know that everything we ever had in the 20 years of knowing each other is going down the drain, and I can't stop it.

After this James turns in his seat and he puts the car back into drive and the rest of the ride to his house is silent and it's not until we are inside that Carlos speaks, "Well, I guess we are going to use the spare bedroom," and he reaches out to grab Logan's hand but I grab his arm and pull him to my side.

"No, I get Logan tonight." And with that I'm dragging him down the hall way, though he does protest slightly.

I pull both of us into the spare bedroom and push him in before locking the door and I can hear James and Carlos moving past the room and towards James', the entire time the Latino complaining and me stealing his boyfriend, and I couldn't really give a rat's ass right now.

After I have shut and locked the door I turn and stare at Logan who is standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed, eyebrow raised, and hip cocked. "Care to explain you're issues?" He asks in a determined voice.

"Me? James is the one with issues!" I yell at him gesturing towards the door. "I mean, seriously? I sang a fucking song. It's not like we were up on a table with me grinding my dick against her ass. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if James was doing that behind my back!" My voice is raised and octave and I'm pretty sure the entire house can hear it, though I'm praying that his parents are asleep and don't have to listen to me.

"Kendall," Logan has his hands raised in front of him in defense as he takes a step closer, "Listen to me, ok?" He doesn't give me a chance to answer him before he starts to talk again and I take the stance he had just recently been in, "I know that it's hard to trust James right now after everything he has done in the past, but really? He hasn't given you any reason what so ever to not trust him during the relationship you guys have been in." Logan's voice is now starting to raise, and I know that every word he is saying is true but I still roll my eyes because the last thing I want to be right now is cooperative, "Kendall, have you seen the way he looks at you? He hasn't _ever _looked at anyone like that before, and I know you know that is true."

Yes, I fucking know its true, ok Logan? I let out a deep sigh and ask in an annoyed tone, "Are you done yet?"

"Yes."

"Thank God." I move towards the bed and throw off my shirt, not caring to see where it lands.

"No, Kendall. You are going to fucking fix this." His voice is now a higher octave, and damn I didn't know it could go that high, "I don't care if you two break it off but if you two being idiots is going to ruin our little group here," He is motioning in big circles with his hands now, I really pissed him off I guess. As he continues I move towards one of the dressers and when I open it I find that it's empty. I stand and turn on my heel and mutter a fuck, "Are you listening to me?" He asks and I snap my head up to look at him.

"Yeah, hold on." I unlock and open the door and am about to go to James' room before I look back at him and I can't help but smile when I see that he has his mouth open and his arms hanging loosely at his sides, "Do you want pants to sleep in?"

I watch in slight confusion as he makes his way over to the bed and grabs a pillow before chucking it at me. I manage to close the door right before I hear a soft thud and the pillow hit the floor. Well, I guess it's time to face the beast.

I search the hall way wall for the light and once I find it I turn it on and wait for my eyes to adjust to the light. Once they have, I move towards James' room and sigh in relief when I realize that he hadn't locked it, thank god, or else I would be begging Carlos to give me a pair of pants.

I hesitantly push the door open and I don't hear anything so I quickly and quietly move towards the dresser that I know holds his pajama pants and I grab the top two before I head towards the door. I thought that I would get out until I hear someone move on the bed and Carlos whisper, "Can I have _my _Logan back?"

I can't help but smile at him before I answer, "No, because I think James might kill me in my sleep and _your _Logan threw a pillow at me. I'm taking the smaller of the two." I pause for a moment before I add, "Oh, and should I be worried about the fact that you're sleeping with _my _James?" and I say the last part mockingly.

"Nope, because you are sleeping with my Logan." He pauses, "Should I be worried about that?" I just roll my eyes.

I can't quite see through the dark but I can see that James is on his back, one arm above his head, and the other resting across his stomach. I wander over to them quietly and I can feel Carlos' eyes on me the entire time. I lean down and easily press a gentle kiss the James' lips before I walk towards the door and whisper, "Good night, Carlos."

I hear him shift in the bed and stop for a moment just to watch James throw his arm over Carlos who is now facing away from him and I hear a loud slap and I shut the door as Carlos is saying, "James, get the hell off me, I'm not your fucking boy toy." And I can't help but laugh.

In the morning I'm woken up when Logan rolls over in his sleep and has me practically pinned to the wall and I can feel his back plastered to mine. Why the hell am I sleeping with Logan anyways? And then the memories hit me and I wince thinking about the fight that I had with James, and suddenly I realize that I'm not mad at him anymore but I do know that I need to go and see him and make sure that we are ok.

I try to use me hands and my knees to push me off the wall but it's no use. I reach behind me and I begin to smack Logan's hip and thigh trying to wake him, since that's the only part of him I can reach. I hear him grumble in his sleep and he sprawls on out his stomach, "Logan, wake the fuck up. I gotta pee." And I clear my throat realizing how raspy it is with sleep still.

I groan and I roll onto my back, well best as I can with Logan in my way, and I'm half on top of him and his shoulder blades are digging into my back. I can't help the smile that forms when I hear him groaning underneath me, "You do realize that you're a lot heavier than you look right?"

"Yeah, so let me up."

"Fine, get off me."

I roll back onto my side and he rolls out of the bed and stretches and I make a noise as I hear his back crack in several places. I then follow suit and head towards the door and I realize how quiet everything is and I look at the clock, "It's nine o'clock. Where is everyone?"

"I hear James' mom and dad leave for work today." Logan says with a shrug as he scratches across his abdomen. Is it weird that we slept without shirts?

I hurry and go about my business before washing my hands and heading back to the hall way. I hear, who I assume is, Logan in the kitchen since the room we were just in is empty and I look at James door, which is slightly cracked but I don't hear anything.

As I move towards it I pray that he has gotten over our issues of last night like I have, since there really wasn't anything to worry about. I slowly open the door knowing that it creaks with the slightest of provocations. I successfully make it into the room and wander over to the bed where I can't help but laugh and feel bad at the same time.

James I curled up on the edge of the bed clinging to what little bit of blankets he can get with his feet sticking out at the bottom and Carlos is on his stomach and entirely sprawled out and facing the wall. I can hear both their breaths are even with sleep.

I hesitantly reach out and brush his bangs out of his eyes and he reacts by bringing his knees closer to his chest and his feet now being covered and I smile before quietly falling to my knees in front of him and press a gentle kiss to his lips and I love how soft they are.

As I pull back his eyes flutter open and I smile at him but it's quickly taken back when he glares at me and rolls over, well the best he can with a bed hogging Carlos, and pulls the sheet over his head.

"Well, let's act like adults here." I grumble before standing and walking out of the room not giving a second glance.

Once I'm in the kitchen I see that Logan is making scrambled eggs, in the microwave, and he turns to look at me with a cocked eyebrow, "Well?"

"Well," I drag out the word as I lean back against the wall, "James is now awkwardly cuddling with Carlos because he decided that laying on the very edge of his bed is better than talking to me."

"So I'm taking it that he isn't over it?" He turns back to the microwave that is now beeping, and takes out the bowl before dropping it on the counter with a big bang and screeching a "ouch".

I look at him with arched eyebrows and point towards the bowl, "Um, Logan, I think it's hot."

He glares at me, "Well, thank you Captain Obvious. I appreciate your observations."

I hold up my hands in defense though I don't even try and hide the laugh, "Woah, no need for that, Logie."

His glare darkens, "Don't call me that."

"What? Only your mamma can call you Logie?" I challenge and I take off through the living room and down the hall with Logan hot on my trail.

I think about locking myself in the room me and him shared last night when I decide last second that James is already pissed at me for why not make it worse? I open the door quickly and rush inside and I see James and Carlos sitting up in the bed talking quietly, until Logan rushes through the door and almost falls flat on his face, probably expecting me to have blocked the door with my body.

I decide to grow a pair and I begin to play with the elastic waistband of the blue plaid pajama pants that I had taken from James' drawer last night before I speak softly, "Hey, Logan, Carlos, can I speak to James for a moment?"

James looks away from me and I think I see him roll his eyes, wow, someone is definitely maturing, and it's honestly kind of pissing me off more.

I wait until Logan and Carlos have left the room before I gently shut the door, almost scared that any loud noise will make James crack. I move to the end of the bed but don't dare sit down, "Hey." I glance at him and I really didn't think about how I was going to start this conversation.

**And let the craziness begin I just want to say that I don't own anything and I am grateful for everyone who comments or just reads this. Thank you for the follow/favorites. I appreciate those too. Sorry this chapter is shorter than the others but as I was writing I thought that this was a good spot to stop. Let me know what you think. What do you guys like, don't like, want to see happen? Let me know. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Just a warning that this chapter does get a bit graphic later on. It got really hard for me to write and I'm sure you all will know what I'm talking about when you get there but I feel like everything that is happening would be going fast enough that it wouldn't be weird. Right? Yeah, I hope. Anyways, as always, enjoy and let me know what you think. **

I don't know what to say. I don't know how to have this conversation and I didn't even have a chance to prepare myself for this encounter. I look out the window not wanting to look at James and watch as Carlos gets into his car, starts it, and tries to back out. Tries, cause his wheels are spinning and he isn't going anywhere. I watch curiously as Logan moves to the front of the car and is using all his might to push the car out of the driveway, to no avail. I would have laughed at Carlos who gets out of the car and kicks the tire before both males make their way back into the house and I'm forced back into my reality. Fuck.

"James, I'm sorry." That's all I got and to be honest, I really don't believe that _I _should be the one apologizing. I didn't do a fucking thing wrong, well, maybe afterwards when I screamed at him and kinda told him I didn't trust him. Yeah, that would do it. Well, shit. "James, please say something."

He stands off the side of the bed and I recognize the shirt that he has on and I'm trying to think of where I've seen it before, and it wasn't just on him. Are you serious, he is wearing my fucking shirt! No, ugh…

"Kendall," His voice is so soft and gentle that it scares me more than if he had just screamed in my face, it's the calm before the storm, I'm pretty sure, "I…I don't know." Now I'm pretty sure that my heart is going to leap out of my chest cause it's running one hundred miles an hour.

"James," my voice is timid, "What don't you know, babe?"

"I understand why you don't trust me ok?" He won't meet my eyes and I can feel my body begin to shake. Yup, he is definitely about to break up with me. "And I know that I should trust you, I've always trusted you, with anything, and I don't know why I can't trust you now." Yeah, me either, "But Kendall, trust me," He lets out a dry laugh, "Yeah right, but anyways, I want to trust you more than anything. I really do." He pauses again but now I'm growing some balls so I sit on the edge of the bed, though I'm still about five feet away from James.

"James, I was getting there, I was," I let my voice drop to a lower volume, almost hoping that he won't hear what I'm about to say, "but then I found out you don't trust me."

Unfortunately it didn't work, "No, I want to trust you more than anything."

I can feel myself begin to get mad and I don't really know why, "Yeah, James, you already said that." I stand up abruptly before even I can catch myself and I shoot back at him, "James, I've never given you a single fucking reason to not trust me."

I can't hear him but I can see him mouth a "I know." And to be honest, I can't believe he hasn't blown up on me yet.

I know I'm pushing my luck with his emotions but I just can't stop myself, not now. "You're the one who has always come to me, all the fucking time, James, and tell me how amazing some girl is that you just laid and while she was sleeping you left, or that one time you gave me every fucking detail about how some guy blew you in the back of his car. Thank fucking God it wasn't yours or I would never be in that thing again." He looks up at me now and I can see his body begin to shake and his breathing quickens, I can only imagine what his heart is doing right now, "Do you understand what that did to me James? I don't know how long you have known that I liked you or whatever the fuck you wanna call it but it's been a long ass time and every time you came and told me that it broke my heart," I stand up and I walk around the bed so that I'm standing in front of him and place my hand over my chest and I'm wishing I had on a shirt to clutch, cause I need something to keep me stable right now, I'm sure the screaming isn't helping my air intake, "You wanna know why?" I feel tears, nope, still not gonna fall, not today Kendall, "fuck," I feel my voice break and the next part doesn't come out nearly as strong as the rest of it had, "Cause, I loved you James. I do love you. I always have, and I'm almost positive, no matter what happens, I always will." I don't break eye contact though I'm terrified when three seconds have passed and all he has done is blinked at me.

"James, you know what this does to me." My voice is loud again though I'm pleading with him, we haven't _really _said 'I love you's yet and I'm about to go into an anxiety attack, "I can't stand it when people just stare at me after I say shit like that."

He stands up, his face inches from mine, and I flinch, almost expecting him to punch me or slap me, but what comes next is definitely not what I expect. He grabs me by the shoulders and spins me before pushing me against the wall, and I can feel the window sill digging into my shoulders, but I'm more preoccupied by the way he is kissing me. Everything about this is forceful and I know that there is no way I would have ever prepared for anything like this, so I'm glad that I hadn't had time to do it anyways.

I kiss him back, and if it's possible, I feel his grip on my biceps tighten as he pushes his body against mine and I'm tight against the wall. I begin to kiss him back before moving his hands down his sides, the best I can before gripping his hips and pulling him closer to me and I don't know what I'm doing, why am I kissing him back? I should be pushing him away and cussing him out because this isn't what I do. I don't get pissed then make out with someone, and by the way this is going, it's going to surpass the make out session.

I feel him release me with both his lips and his hands and I take in a deep breath since my lungs had been starving for oxygen. I bite down on my lip and he drags his dulled nails down the front of my chest and down my stomach before they rest on my hips just above the elastic of his pajama pants, you know, since I'm wearing them, and he pulls me towards him, though we can't get much closer, and I can feel that he is already becoming aroused. I throw my head back and let it hit the window as I bite down hard on my bottom lip and he attacks my neck, all teeth and tongue.

"Ah, fuck!" I yell and it's all pleasure and pain. My hands instictivly move to his hair and I'm pushing into him wanting everything I can get right this instant. "James," I trying to talk but everthing is just coming out in strangled moans, "James, Carlos and Logan. They couldn't leave. Need noise to cover." I have no idea if he is even going to listen to me or if he understands what I'm talking about, but he does and he reaches, without taking his lips off the hickey I'm sure is already showing and he presses the play button on his docking station that is on the bedside table that is beside us.

As the song begins to play I begin to panic once again, I know this song and it can't be happing right now. Not now. I clamp my eyes shut and I begin to shake my head frantically and just as I'm about to speak James' lips are covering mine again and I want to reach out and change the song but his hands are wrapping around my wrists and bringing my arms tightly against the wall behind me as he is holding my body. I kiss him back forcefully, trying to fight him this way before I stop completely, though he keeps kissing, even though I'm not participating. Tears, I taste tears.

I tilt my head to the side so that he can't get to my lips anymore unless he moves, though I can't open my eyes, James is not someone I can see cry. I've only seen him cry a hand full of times, and I'm not going to see it now, but the tears that I had pushed down earlier are making a reappearance, and my voice isn't helping it either, "James, change the song." I say just as the first line is sung.

He whispers a no through it and moves to kiss my neck and I can feel his tears against my skin. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hold back these tears. The words of this song are so true to how I feel right now.

_Young and full of running_

_Tell me where is that taking me?_

_Just a great figure eight_

_Or a tiny infinity?_

As the next verse plays out he takes a step back and I refuse to open my eyes because I know if I actually see him cry I won't have a chance in hell to hold back my own sobs, I know there won't just be tears, it will be body wracking sobs. He releases his grip on my wrists slightly and pulls me towards the bed and I can hear him whispering through the music, "Kendall, open your eyes and look at me."

Though, all I do is shake my head no at him vigorously and he lets out a sight. He guides me over to the bed and helps me settle on it and I move to the middle and lay on my back before pulling him down on top of me.

Everything is happening so fast right now.

_Love is really nothing_

_But a dream that keeps waking me_

_For all of my trying_

_We still end up dying_

_How can it be?_

The next lines hit me hard even though I know their coming, _don't say a word_, no James, don't talk just touch me and show me everything. I feel him shifting above me and he is then between my legs and his body is pushed against mine and I realize he has taken off his shirt and I'm dragging my dulled nails down his back and wrapping my legs around his hips willing him closer. _Just come over and lie here with me_, he rocks down on me and I let out a strangled moan and the sound of the song and all his touches are too much and I feel the first tear slip and I know that it's only the beginning. I don't know why he is crying. Maybe it's for the same reason I am, because I'm terrified of what's to come in the close futures, maybe in just a few hours. Will I not have my best friend then? _'cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see_, I open my eyes now because there is no holding back the tears and I realize that James isn't crying anymore though his cheeks are stained. He pulls back and is dragging my, or his, pants down from my hips and I let out a moan as the fabric brushes over my already hard organ. He dips down and begins attacking my chest with his lips and everything feels so amazing physically but emotionally I'm breaking and it's one of the strangest sensations I've ever felt.

_I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe. _I push my body against his but he is moving away and I watch as he reaches across me towards a drawer and he digs around until he comes back and he holds up lube and the other hand is empty. _There I just said it. _

"I don't have any condoms."

"I don't care." I shake my head, _I'm scared you'll forget about me, _I reach forward and I tug at the hem of his gym shorts and he sits back on the bed and quickly strips them and his boxers off before he pushes me back and we let out loud moans as our bare erections rub together. He doesn't waste any time to begin applying the lube to two of his fingers and he is reaching between our bodies and I plaster my hands to his chest as he pushes one finger in.

_ So young and full of running, _I slam my eyes shut and arch my back off the bed and I can feel my nails digging into his skin and he groans above me. He doesn't wait long before he is moving his finger back and forth before adding a second without any warning, _all the way to the edge of desire. _My back comes farther from the mattress as I dig my heals into the bed. _Steady my breathing, _I take in deep breathes as the burning turns into pleasure and I begin rocking down on his fingers. _Silently screaming, _"Oh, God, James please." _I have to have you now, _"Hmm, yeah." My voice is already going raw from me holding back my moans that are coming from deep in my chest. I open my eyes and I'm pleading with him to just fuck me and he looks absolutely beautiful with his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, his cheeks are flushed, and sweat creating rivers down his neck and chest.

_ Wired and I'm tired, _he pulls his fingers from me unceremoniously and is quickly pouring lube onto his cock and he leans over me so that he is on one elbow while his other hand is lining himself up with my entrance and his voice is rougher than ever as he speaks over the music, _think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor, _"Ready, baby?" I nod as I wrap my arms around his neck and I want to make sure that he isn't going anywhere. _Or maybe this mattress will spin on its axis, _he pushes into me slowly before settling for a moment to let me adjust, _and find me on yours, _once I think that I'm ready enough for him to move I rock my hips, though it still stings, but I don't show any signs because the last thing I want him to think is that I'm weak. Not that he wouldn't because he knows me, more than any one, though he may think I'm weak even if I don't think I am. God, I'm so confused.

_Don't say a word, _I get brought out of my thought's when he pulls back slightly before he slams into me and I tangle my fingers in his hair and I pull eliciting a loud moan from deep within his throat and I bite down on my lower lip as his stomach brushes tightly against my erection. _Just come over and lie here with me, _he is moving with quick and short thrusts and he pulls back from me so he can look down into my eyes and I reach up and rub my thumbs over both his nipples making him throw his head back and he screams out, "I love you." _Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see, _and it seems as though everything besides the music has stopped and he brings his head forward and looks deep into my eyes and I take in how blown his are with lust.

_I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe, _without thinking I'm rolling him onto his back and pulling him forward so that he is sitting as I slide him back inside of me and we both let out deep growls. I hook my left arm around his neck as I reach down and begin to stroke my own throbbing member as he rocks my hips back and forth. _There I just said it, _I rest my forehead against his and I'm looking down into his eyes, _I'm scared you'll forget about me, _I let my eyes slide shut and I press my lips to his gently and it's a slow and passionate kiss despite how vigorously the rest of our bodies are moving and I can feel a deep heat begin to form in my stomach.

_Don't say a word, _I break the kiss when I need to breath and I move so that my forehead his resting on his shoulder and his hips are now bucking to match the grinding of my hips and I begin to stroke myself with more sporadic movements. J_ust come over and lie here with me, _"Hmm, James. Come on, baby." _Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see, _I bite down on his collar bone, hard, and I quickly let go before pressing the flat of my tongue against it and he lets out a strangled moan that is mixed with pleasure and pain and I love that sound coming from him.

_I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe, _I feel myself come closer and closer to the edge and my entire body is trembling and I barely have a grip on James' sweaty skin as I let my head fall back and I feel his lips on my neck, though he is giving me soft butterfly kisses. _There I just said it, _his hands tighten on my hips and I know that he is coming closer to coming and I let out loud moans willing myself to focus on how amazing this feels without a condom, and just knowing that this is all him and God I do love him. _I'm scared you'll forget about me, _I let out one last long groan as we come simultaneously and James reaches over and pulls his phone off the dock before the next song can begin to play.

I remove myself from his lap and settle beside him before I move deeper into the bed and pull the sheet up to my waist and I watch James intently, waiting for him to lay down with me.

He swings his legs so that he is sitting on the edge of the bed and I'm freaking out when I reach and grab his wrist and he whirls around and I whisper to him, since my voice is still broke, "Please, don't leave me."

"Kendall, calm down, I'm just getting a towel." He says his voice also rough.

I shake my head, and fuck do I feel pathetic and needy, but after that, I'm terrified and I don't want to be left alone for a single second, "No."

He lets out a sigh and I don't' give a shit if he is annoyed because he crawls under the sheets with me and holds me tight to his still sweaty chest and I breathe in all the scents around us.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I feel his fingers carding through my hair and he doesn't speak for a long moment and I can feel my heart against my rib cage, "I love you too, Kendall. I promise."

And with that, I'm falling into a deep sleep, thinking that maybe things will be ok and that I was just so pissed that I thought that things weren't going to work out.


	17. Chapter 17

After hours of digging and pushing Carlos, Logan, and myself are able to get out of James' driveway in one piece. You know, snow can be a bitch sometimes, well actually most of the time. I am just waking up in my own bed and I love the warmth of my blankets around me.

Is that what angry sex is like? I'm not really sure, haven't tried it before. Well, whatever it was it was amazing. James is amazing. I feel slightly bipolar. I mean one moment I'm ready to tear his head off and feed it to the dogs then the next I'm fucking him like nothing even happened, and even say I love you. Not like that isn't that uncommon anymore, but you don't say I love you to someone you want to murder in that second.

I roll over and groan. James is everything I want, even if he does piss me off sometimes, well, a lot of times. But it's usually just stupid shit like one night, before we were dating, he somehow put my platinum controller in his backpack and took it home; yeah, James does homework, can you believe it?

I look up at the clock and realize that it's just after 6 o'clock. Ugh, I gotta work the next three days. I really don't wanna. Hopefully Logan or Carlos will be there with me. I'm not sure how well me and James would work together right now. I figure either we will get into a huge fight or fuck in the closet, that is about how our relationship has been playing out lately. As in lately I mean the last three days. Eh, whatever. Bastard.

I rolled over onto my stomach and grabbed my phone, checking it, and realized that I don't have any texts. Not even from James. We hadn't talked since I left earlier and at the moment I feel a little used. No, Kendall, we are not going down this road again. Fuck that!

I dropped it next to me and snuggled into the mattress hoping to get a few more minutes of actual sleep. Did I ever mention that Logan is hell to sleep with? I don't know how Carlos does it. As surprising as it is Carlos really isn't that bad to sleep with. Yeah, he sprawls out and takes up most of the bed but once he is comfortable he doesn't move the entire night. He doesn't even get up in the middle of the night to go pee.

I stood and stretched before I headed down the hall to the bathroom successfully avoiding my mother. I closed the door quickly and locked it. I wandered to the sink and placed my phone on the iPod dock and pressed the play button and the first song that began to play was "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Yeah, we're not discussing my music. I began listening to the lyrics as I turned on the shower and stripped waiting for it to heat up.

I rest my hands flat against the counter top of the sink and stare at my reflection. What the fuck am I doing with James anyways? I know that I said that I wasn't going to think about this again by why would I be thinking about this so much if it was right? We still act more like best friends than anything. The only few differences are that we say I love you, we fuck, kiss, and cuddle. Hell, we had always slept in the same bed so that wasn't anything special. I don't know if I feel like I should be dating him. I'm so fucking confused because I feel like I want him and I love him but my mind is fucking telling me no!

That's just cause I'm fucked up.

As the lyrics played on I thought into them more and how, yeah we have a shit ton of good times, the bad times are so horrible. I don't know if it's worth it to keep going on like this. And another thing! We hadn't even _talked _about our argument. We just fucked and called it good. Wasn't a good and healthy relationship made up of talking and trust, another thing clearly neither of us had. I scanned over my body and took in my pale complexion. Damn, I would fry if I stepped outside in some place like Florida.

God, would it be better if I broke up with him? Just get it over with and let him move on with his life? But if I did what would happen out our friendship? I mean, I hope that we would be able to go back to the way things used to be. I don't know, all I know is that we are hurting ourselves but I'm to selfish to let him go because I don't know what I would do if I didn't have in to talk to and touch whenever I wanted, even if the touching is just as friends, though it would kill me on the inside. Even if we are friends I can still touch him in some ways, right?

I shake my head and rapidly push my boxers down my legs and step out of them and step into the tub sighing the second the hot water, almost too hot, is flowing over the tense muscles of my back. I let my head fall back and let the water wet my hair.

I straighten up and shake my head vigorously. Don't think shit like that Kendall. What the hell is wrong with you? But I know that he isn't happy, well I don't _know _but…ugh. I don't fucking know. I guess maybe I will just let it play out. I do love him, even if sometimes I'm in denial…still.

I grab my shampoo with unnecessary roughness and I begin washing my hair, why am I pissed right now? Maybe just cause I'm confused. I focus in on the music that is coming from my phone and look down, gently tracing the scars that over each hip bone, some even reaching my groin. I turn over my hands and move away the various wrist bands as I look at the few very light scars that lay on the inside of my wrists. I look to my right and see mom's razor sitting on the soap holder and for just a fraction I want to grab it and see the blood flowing again.

Just in time I break out of my trance and I'm running my fingers through my hair and pulling trying to take my mind off of my old habits. I promised my friends and my family I would never do it again. But they do say that old habits die hard, even if it's been two years since the last time I had inflicted self-harm.

I saw Carlos pass by the room that I was cleaning up in after I had just put one of my residents to bed and I almost slapped myself when the idea I have been having the past two days popped back into my head. No, bad! Very, very bad! I mean, what the _fuck _am I thinking? That's exactly what I'm thinking! Ok, maybe not exactly, just kissing. Kissing a certain Latino, a certain Latino who is my best friend, now that I'm dating my ex best friend who might soon become my ex-boyfriend because I'm a dumb ass, but so is he so ugh!

I pushed my anger aside before I grabbed up the bags of trash and used linen before I bent over and kissed one of my her on the cheek and whispered a good night. I smiled when she says, "Aw, I love you, honey." And that is why I love her.

I left the room and let my head fall back for just a moment and I could feel it stretch down through my chest, and it felt amazing. I opened the brutes and dropped the bags into their respective places. I need a break. I told my nurse that I was going to take my 15 and to tell Carlos when she saw him, though I could hear him talking to one of the residents in a nearby room. I haven't even been able to look him in the eye since I started thinking about it and I could tell that he knew something was up. Thank goodness Carlos wasn't one for confrontation.

I walk into the break room and see Logan sitting in one of the chairs and I immediately turn around and try to escape without being noticed, too late. "Kendall, wait!" He calls and I stop dead in my tracks, this can't be happening to me. How am I supposed to talk to my best friend's boyfriend, who is also one of my best friends, when I wanna kiss his boyfriend, does that make sense? God, I'm such a whore! James should be all I could ever want. Look at him, he is fucking gorgeous. I mean, not that Logan and Carlos aren't either, in their own ways. I wouldn't wanna kiss Carlos if he weren't cute. Yes, Carlos is _cute. _He would so kill me if he heard me say that.

I slowly turn on the ball of my heel and I look at him with an annoyed face. He is now standing and gnawing on his lower lip and I lift an eyebrow in expectation, "Kendall, I've noticed that you've been.." He trails off before he takes a deep breath and continues, "You've been off and I want you to show me."

Show him? Show him what? This time both eyebrows shoot up and my mouth is slightly open before he elaborates, "I want you to show that you haven't, you haven't you know…."

No, I don't know. And this could turn into something very weird very fast. My suspicions are confirmed when he take huge strides towards me and the look on his face is almost deadly, shit is he gonna hit me? Oh, God. Does he know what I've been thinking about Carlos? Fuck, fuck, fuck. He grabs my wrists and flips them over as he inspects under the wrist bands. And that's when it hits me, he is checking to make sure that I haven't started to cut again and I can almost, _almost _breathe a sigh of relief.

He lets me go and I bring my hands to my chest in almost a protective manner yet his glare hasn't lightened, "Show me your hips." Really?

"No, Logan, I don't have to show you anything." I'm quite defensive about this topic, if you couldn't tell already.

"Kendall, as one of your best friends and for the sake of your boyfriend's sanity you better fucking show me." Wow, Logan is swearing. Why is he so pissed? He doesn't even have any proof that I did anything and I haven't. And to be honest, that kind of hurts. It's been a long time!

"No, Logan! This is ridiculous! Why do you need to see for you to believe me?" At first my voice was harsh and firm but towards the end it began to waver and I'm no realizing how much I really am falling apart. And I'm falling apart in many ways.

I snapped out of it when I feel Logan's hands on my hips and he is pushing me and I hit the wall that was only about a foot behind me with a soft thump. "Logan, get off me!"

"No, you flinched when I touched you."

"Yeah, cause I wasn't expecting it and you pushed me against the wall and I kind of hit my head." I had my hands on his biceps and I'm trying to push him away but he holds tight, still to my hips. Yeah, this just got to that level of weird.

He doesn't look like he believes me and I'm honestly a little scared that he is going to try to pull my pants down next and I watch him quizzically, waiting. What he does next is not what I expect. He lets out a deep sigh and looks down at the ground and his grip on me lessens but he never takes his hands off me. Before I know it he is running them up my sides and wrapping his arms around my middle and pressing his shorter form against mine in a tight embrace. I don't really know what to do right now so I just wrap my arms around him and give him a tight hug thinking that maybe he needs this more than I do.

He is soon pulling back from me and before I can say anything he is leaving the break room to get back to the floor. Well, I don't even know what to think about that.

The rest of the night goes by uneventfully. I hardly see James because he is on a wing on the other side of the building. Logan is over there with him and he should be grateful because I have a shit ton of questions for him and well Carlos, our little awkward relationship hasn't changed and neither has my thoughts. I just want to try and see if I feel the same thing with him as I do with James. And if I do then I know that it's probably just lust and none of it is love. It can be very deceiving but if it isn't then I know that I do feel something more for James. The car ride back to James' house, since his house is the closest to work, is slightly awkward, at least for me, because I have issues with all three of them right now. Though, it went smooth because they talked amongst themselves and I just closed my eyes focusing on the warmth of James' hand in mine. I once lifted it to my lips and kissed him and he smiled at me. These time were perfect and I can't figure out why we have bad to match them.

That night I'm lying in my bed and I'm staring at the white ceiling and I notice the spider that I haven't cleaned off the ceiling after Carlos squished it there and said it added character…Gross. I make a face at it.

I grab my phone and I send out a text to the James with a simple **"hey" **and I lay the phone back down on my chest. I know that Carlos and Logan are home by now and they are probably already lying in bed just like me. Though, I don't think that they are staying at one of their houses together tonight. Now that I think about it, I don't think that they have stayed at each other's houses in a while, like two weeks at least.

I push them out of my thoughts because right now I just want to think about my boyfriend and how sweet his smile was and how light his eyes were tonight in the car. He looked happy and at peace just holding my hand. And I wonder why I'm confused?

My phone vibrates against my sternum and I grab it squinting at the brightness of the screen and I see James' name across it and I open his message which says, **"Hello beautiful. " **Yup, there is no doubt as to why I'm confused.

**"What are you so happy about Diamond?" **Ok, that is a little harsh I guess but it's too late now and I'm speaking my mind.

I know that he is laying in his bed texting me at this point so I don't even drop my phone, just stare at the screen waiting for his response, and it comes. **"What? I can't be happy about talking to my boyfriend?" **

**"Of course you can love" **ok, I'm acting happy, and to be honest that is quite simple over texting.

"**Good. How was work for you sweetheart?" **I get butterflies every time he says stuff like that, another good sign, butterflies from boyfriend.

**"Eh, it was pretty good. Just the same old same old. OH but Carlos did get slapped tonight. I wasn't there to see it but I felt kind of bad. His cheek was red. Haha." **Am I a bad friend for laughing? Eh, probably.

For the rest of the night we went on with mindless chatter until I finally fell asleep and I felt truly happy, at peace, and in love with my boyfriend and I was praying that he felt the same thing.

**So, this story is progressing and I think it's going to be slightly longer than I had anticipated but that is ok. I hope you guys like it and tell me what you think. **

** I just want to say thank you so much to winterschild11 for reviewing and telling me what you think. You have no idea how much it means to me and it makes me happy to see it! **


End file.
